Wow, I suck at not writing in this thing. Haha, it seems I couldn't last for more than a couple months. Granted, I have some very epic news, so I guess that's why I broke my oath to stop writing. Besides, it wasn't so much an oath as it was a... promise?
Anywho, the reason I broke my "oath", I'm no longer a virgin. I lost it yesterday, at school, in the girl's bathroom, to a guy I don't really know. Yeah, "slut", "whore" etc. Thanks, I've already been berated by this one guy I for some reason tend to trust with almost everything. It was pretty bad, I thought I would ease into the topic jokingly, and it was going pretty well, until I told him what happened. He went all out on me. Bitching at me, telling me how much his respect for me just diminished, and how he thought I was full of bullshit. I wanted to cry. It's not like I don't realize I did something wrong, but that's not the point. I mean, it's not like it's the end of the world because I had sex. Right? Later that night, I went out with my friend, the one I stayed with when I ran away. We went to this HIV fundraiser dinner thing, but left early for this concert we wanted to go to at this go-carting place. It was pretty awesome, I love her friends, despite the fact that they're about 6 years older then me. They all seem to be pretty ok with me. As a matter of fact, I'm practically positive one of them was hitting on me. Unfortunately, I had to leave early, before her friends' band got a chance to perform. Kinda sucked, but it's alright, cause I still had a blast.
Uhmmm, what else??
Right, I'm going on a date in an hour, with a guy I met at another concert. He kinda saved my life, and then we made out, so we exchanged numbers and have been talking for about a month. He's really sweet, but also really.. accommodating. I guess that's not a bad thing, it's just, he always agrees with me. It bugs me cause I feel like he's just being fake to impress me.
Lastly, I think, is that I've started smoking. My reason is "I spent all of last year hanging out with smokers, so it's kinda rubbed off on me, and I've been craving it lately because of that." Thing is, I'm not really telling anyone, other then the people I ask for smokes.
Ooh, also (so I was wrong, that wasn't the last thing), I've had my wisdom teeth pulled out. I wanted to get my tongue pierced while my mouth was still numb from the surgery, but my dad just glared at me when I suggested it. ANDD, I've decided I want to get a tattoo. Or more then one. But I know what I want. I'm thinking a dandelion, with the seeds blowing away, on my wrist. A dove on my shoulder, and/or a cherry tree up the side of my ribs.
This time, I promise, it's the last thing. In my psychology class, a couple days ago, we had to write a paper, "Who Am I?". I'm telling you this because I just realized, or have always known and just rerealized, that it's not just me who doesn't know who I am. The guy who was yelling at me about my, mistake, also started yelling at me about my smoking. He said that I was pretending to be something I'm not. So I asked him who he thought I was, because, clearly, I had no idea. He just brushed it off with a "I dunno, that's you're problem". I don't know if that means he doesn't know who I am or if he just doesn't care. In relation to my smoking thing, I've gotten really bad about it. I couldn't find someone with a smoke the other day, so I went to the forest with just my lighter and started looking around on the ground for someone's leftover butt. I found one that was in decent condition and I got a couple drags out of it, but just the fact that I was scrounging around in the dirt for a smoke is really pathetic. I'm pretty disgusted by myself. It's alright though, I'm determined to buy a pack of smokes soon. I just need to find the courage to ask around at the gas station for someone to buy them for me. Or wait for my other friend to bring her ID to school one day so she can buy me some.
