In the Beginning You're Always on a Roll

I realized that I haven't yet done what I created this blog to do.
I haven't vented, or let out, or shared anything.

So, I'm gonna start with a background info kinda thing.

Uhmm, I used to be an innocent little nobody. Friendly, sweet, calm, collected. Nothing special.

Then, I somehow totally changed, or became myself. You can see how both make sense. But yeah, I morphed into the person I like to call my current self. This morph involved a bit of experimenting, a lot of fights and a ton of empty nights where I actually cried myself to sleep. Yeah.. that sounds cliche, I know, but it's the truth... it's how I was hardened.

The first screw up was when I decided that my life wasn't interesting enough and decided to meet new people on the net.. this lead to cybering a lot and me stupidly sending out photos of myself. I was even dumb enough to meet with one of the guys I was chatting with (to anyone reading this who is a major "chat roomer" it was only dumb to me, because I was irresponsible with it and didn't know what I was doing. So I'm not trying to bash on chat rooms.. just so you know.

Well, the end result of that wasn't pretty. My parents found out and all hell broke loose. There was talk of me being disowned, of them splitting up, of how I needed help. I was taken to a shrink too. It finally blew over, but they still bring it up every now and then.

Next was my meeting new people. I made some new friends in highschool and started drinking thanks to them. So I was partying and living and happy.. and was dumb enough to write down all that in my handy dandy journal. My parents found th ejournal one night while I was at a party and that lead to a ton of crap because they're these uptight religious folk. At the same time that they found out about the drinking they also found out that I had tried shisha at a party and that I had fooled around with a guy I had just met at a party. When they found out all of this it lead to some serious yelling and beating and talk.. almost actual... divorce, seperation and a ton of other crap I don't need to go into right now.

Eventaully all of this calmed down, but never went away. So I still have to deal with whenever we get in a fight, I'll be called a slut or yelled at about not making mature decisions.

Then I started considering trying weed.

My parents haven't figured this out yet, but they've already lectured me about it. Like they already know I plan to try it.

Most recent is this really funny.. but kinda sad story.
My aunt has decided that I am depressed.
I've assured my parents that I'm not depressed, but I know I am.
I act all bubbly the majority of the time... or at least I used to. Lately I've been having more off days and I'm just having a harder time putting on my carefree face.

I'm going to leave this at that for now because this post feels ridiculously long.