That's all really, I just..
I don't know whats wrong with me, my temper, my emotions.
Why do I get so mad, so easily?
I must be..
falling
to
p i e c e s.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
I Don't Feel Like Talking With People Right Now
But it's not like anyone reads this anyways.
So, I was going to vent and spill all thats bothering me out on here, but then my friend asked whats wrong and I pretty much threw it all at him. I feel really bad about dumping all my.. depression? on him, but it did really help having him listen.
I feel that having intorduced this, I need to actually say whats going on, so I'm just going to paste the important parts of the conversation on here.
he says:
*tell me
*please?
she says:
*it's really nothing
he says:
*nothing is ever nothing
she says:
*i'm just tired of dealing with people
he says:
*tell me what happened
she says:
*my parents started flipping out that the bus ride back home was taking too long, and that i should have been back at exactly 6, so when i got back at 6:18, they were yelling at me and di was in a bad mood, but i couldn't go sulk because we had to go to my grandma's house, with a bunch of idiots i happen to be related to, namely, my cousins, and my sister, cause she turns into a mindless idiot around them. not that she isn't naturally a mindless idiot
*so i deal with their bull shit all night, and i'm kinda in my own world, until they ask me to pour ice cream for all four of us
*so i start, and they start nagging me cause i wasn't putting enough fucking ice cream for them, and they start bittching and saying shit, and calling the parents, and then my mom yells at me for leaving the hot water on (to heat the spoon to make it easier to scoop)and the bitches take the ice cream to the other room without a fucking word of thanks, and start flipping channles on the TV
*the reminder i had set for this odysseus movie goes off, and i change the channel to see if its anything worth watching
*they get mad again and start throwing things at me to change the channel
*while also saying shit to me
*you'd think my sister would, at the very least, give me a fucking second to change the channel
*course not
*all of them are throwing things and me and yelling
he says:
*wow...
she says:
*i couldn't take it anymore and walked out, to cries of "you'd make a terrible mother"
*and was about to break down
*then my dad walks in trying to "comfort" me, but he doesn't know whats wrong
*and then i completely broke down when i opened the essay i was working on, and found that it was gone
*now i just want to cry
*and i was crying, but that was attracting too much fucking attention, so i stopped
he says:
*wish i could do something
she says:
*don't worry about it
*i'm just so tired of them thinking of me like i have no feelings, like they can throw whatever they want at me
*it's like they think i'm just a really hard shell
*but i'm not
*and it hurts
he says:
*its ok, im always here for whatever u need
*i know how much it hurts
she says:
*thanks, i really just needed to vent
*you're a great friend :)
he says:
*:)
Sorry about the spelling, I was too angry/hurt/sad to worry about my spelling and grammar.
So, I was going to vent and spill all thats bothering me out on here, but then my friend asked whats wrong and I pretty much threw it all at him. I feel really bad about dumping all my.. depression? on him, but it did really help having him listen.
I feel that having intorduced this, I need to actually say whats going on, so I'm just going to paste the important parts of the conversation on here.
he says:
*tell me
*please?
she says:
*it's really nothing
he says:
*nothing is ever nothing
she says:
*i'm just tired of dealing with people
he says:
*tell me what happened
she says:
*my parents started flipping out that the bus ride back home was taking too long, and that i should have been back at exactly 6, so when i got back at 6:18, they were yelling at me and di was in a bad mood, but i couldn't go sulk because we had to go to my grandma's house, with a bunch of idiots i happen to be related to, namely, my cousins, and my sister, cause she turns into a mindless idiot around them. not that she isn't naturally a mindless idiot
*so i deal with their bull shit all night, and i'm kinda in my own world, until they ask me to pour ice cream for all four of us
*so i start, and they start nagging me cause i wasn't putting enough fucking ice cream for them, and they start bittching and saying shit, and calling the parents, and then my mom yells at me for leaving the hot water on (to heat the spoon to make it easier to scoop)and the bitches take the ice cream to the other room without a fucking word of thanks, and start flipping channles on the TV
*the reminder i had set for this odysseus movie goes off, and i change the channel to see if its anything worth watching
*they get mad again and start throwing things at me to change the channel
*while also saying shit to me
*you'd think my sister would, at the very least, give me a fucking second to change the channel
*course not
*all of them are throwing things and me and yelling
he says:
*wow...
she says:
*i couldn't take it anymore and walked out, to cries of "you'd make a terrible mother"
*and was about to break down
*then my dad walks in trying to "comfort" me, but he doesn't know whats wrong
*and then i completely broke down when i opened the essay i was working on, and found that it was gone
*now i just want to cry
*and i was crying, but that was attracting too much fucking attention, so i stopped
he says:
*wish i could do something
she says:
*don't worry about it
*i'm just so tired of them thinking of me like i have no feelings, like they can throw whatever they want at me
*it's like they think i'm just a really hard shell
*but i'm not
*and it hurts
he says:
*its ok, im always here for whatever u need
*i know how much it hurts
she says:
*thanks, i really just needed to vent
*you're a great friend :)
he says:
*:)
Sorry about the spelling, I was too angry/hurt/sad to worry about my spelling and grammar.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Why Are You Playing Solitaire All Alone?
I kinda flipped out at my parents tonight, about how I cared more about my friend then I did about my aunt and her stupid wedding. Maybe if it was a legit wedding, to a legit guy, I'd be less harsh. But she's marrying an idiot, and shes doing it on the night of a party I really want to go to.
Monday, January 25, 2010
I'm Taking it Slow, Feeding My Flame
LOOK UP THIS SONG.
NOW.
DO IT.
It's called Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation.
It is.. CHUCK NORRIS.
ROFLCOPTER.
Yeah, but there's actually no other word to describe it's awesomeness.
And I am ridiculously fucked right now. My diet has consisted of cookie dough and monster energy drinks, my sleep (HAH, what sleep?) is like, 3 hours a night, and I haven't gone to the gym at all this week.
And I've been smoking more.
I just want tomorrow to be over, so I can sleep, and eat, and workout.
On the bright side, I think I finally learnt how to study.
NOW.
DO IT.
It's called Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation.
It is.. CHUCK NORRIS.
ROFLCOPTER.
Yeah, but there's actually no other word to describe it's awesomeness.
And I am ridiculously fucked right now. My diet has consisted of cookie dough and monster energy drinks, my sleep (HAH, what sleep?) is like, 3 hours a night, and I haven't gone to the gym at all this week.
And I've been smoking more.
I just want tomorrow to be over, so I can sleep, and eat, and workout.
On the bright side, I think I finally learnt how to study.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Chuck Norris Is The Reason Waldo Is Hiding
I'm scared shitless that I'm going to lose my Waterloo acceptance if I do poorly on this week's exams.
Political Procrastination
What I Found In My Coffee Cup
In my coffee cup this day I did find,
a bat with it's wings spread wide,
the dainty fingers of a hand
poised to pick up an unseen object,
a monster carrying murderous weaponry,
the strong legs of a dancer mid-pose,
a dolphin leaping through the canvas,
the beak of a bird,
a dinosaur with its head held high,
the tiniest of hummingbirds,
lightly at flight,
a snake poised to strike,
and the elusive elephant,
who poked his head up through the mess,
just as I was finishing up.
I must say, I'm particularly curious as to what the hand is attempting to pick up. I also think the hand appears to be wearing a ring. On it's third finger.
In previous cups, some particularly clear images where a lion, a giraffe, and an owl.
What was particularly disturbing in my past three readings, was the emergence of the image of a witch.
In each cup.
Three times in a row.
In my coffee cup this day I did find,
a bat with it's wings spread wide,
the dainty fingers of a hand
poised to pick up an unseen object,
a monster carrying murderous weaponry,
the strong legs of a dancer mid-pose,
a dolphin leaping through the canvas,
the beak of a bird,
a dinosaur with its head held high,
the tiniest of hummingbirds,
lightly at flight,
a snake poised to strike,
and the elusive elephant,
who poked his head up through the mess,
just as I was finishing up.
I must say, I'm particularly curious as to what the hand is attempting to pick up. I also think the hand appears to be wearing a ring. On it's third finger.
In previous cups, some particularly clear images where a lion, a giraffe, and an owl.
What was particularly disturbing in my past three readings, was the emergence of the image of a witch.
In each cup.
Three times in a row.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
This Stopped Making Sense After the First Line
Tough skin is overrated,
You're never really there.
When I close my eyes to look at you,
I wait to disappear.
I whisper to the dark,
In hopes that you will hear.
But the wind keeps softly blowing,
Your lies to me, they tear.
Tough skin keeps me breathing,
It leaves you in the air.
Come save my punctured soul she says,
It leaks, you see, right here.
The eyes, they do the same,
Salty tears they often see.
My heart, you see, she longs for you,
My brain does disagree.
So tough skin is all you left me,
To save me from myself.
For this I do not thank you,
She hates what she's become.
You're never really there.
When I close my eyes to look at you,
I wait to disappear.
I whisper to the dark,
In hopes that you will hear.
But the wind keeps softly blowing,
Your lies to me, they tear.
Tough skin keeps me breathing,
It leaves you in the air.
Come save my punctured soul she says,
It leaks, you see, right here.
The eyes, they do the same,
Salty tears they often see.
My heart, you see, she longs for you,
My brain does disagree.
So tough skin is all you left me,
To save me from myself.
For this I do not thank you,
She hates what she's become.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Ten Things I Hate About You
So, I didn't write this, but I love it, and the part in the movie when she reads her poem makes me cry every time.
I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots,
and the way you read my mind,
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around,
and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,
not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all.
Too cute right??
I got a bit teary just writing that out.
On another note all together, I found this scribbled on my notes. Must have been being philosophical again at some point and just hadn't realized it.
"Many ideas are considered naive if they conflict with societies general perception of the topic."
I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots,
and the way you read my mind,
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around,
and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,
not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all.
Too cute right??
I got a bit teary just writing that out.
On another note all together, I found this scribbled on my notes. Must have been being philosophical again at some point and just hadn't realized it.
"Many ideas are considered naive if they conflict with societies general perception of the topic."
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The Russian
Apparently one of my friends enjoys having conversations,
about my ass,
with his friends.
And I wore a lion hat today..
and played London Bridge.
And mauled one of my exes while wearing the lion hat.
The hat had paws too.
I'm going to miss highschool next year.
about my ass,
with his friends.
And I wore a lion hat today..
and played London Bridge.
And mauled one of my exes while wearing the lion hat.
The hat had paws too.
I'm going to miss highschool next year.
The Make Up Sex Is Good As It Gets
2:30 last night- Alright, it's almost 3, this movie has stopped making sense (Sherlock Holmes), and I'm not getting anywhere with my Politics work. Time to go to bed. Before I go, let's just check the e-mails. Mm, facebook mail. Fun stuff. Wait a minute, that's not from facebook. Shitt, that's from Waterloo. *Open email*. "Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to the University of Waterloo for fall 2010 in Honours Arts, First Year, Regular. " Wait, what? Waterloo? Isn't that a good university? Isn't it far away? HOLY SHIT, I JUST GOT EARLY ACCEPTANCE TO WATERLOO.
At that point I was wide awake, and couldn't fall back asleep. My facebook status was set to let the world know the incredible news and my fingers were dialing my twin to let her know as well.
Then it clicked.
No matter what happens, I'm moving out at the end of this year.
At that point I was wide awake, and couldn't fall back asleep. My facebook status was set to let the world know the incredible news and my fingers were dialing my twin to let her know as well.
Then it clicked.
No matter what happens, I'm moving out at the end of this year.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
And The Attention Span of a Fish on Crack
Hahaha, so, my crazy friend decided to go get one of those microdermal piercings. It actually doesn't look as scary as I thought it would. But apparently it hurt like a bitch to do.
And it wasn't cheap neither.
'Bout a hundred bucks, I think is what she said.
What makes me laugh is that she went to that new sketch parlor, Pain Is Pleasure. But apparently they're good, and cheaper then Stingers, so I might do my tounge there. Not yet though, I have to wait till I move out for Uni. The parents would shoot me if I got my tounge pierced. They practically flipped out when I suggested getting my second ear piercing done.
All I know is that I will get it done. And after I get my tongue pierced, my next project will be getting my first tattoo.
Or maybe I'll get the tattoo first.
And it wasn't cheap neither.
'Bout a hundred bucks, I think is what she said.
What makes me laugh is that she went to that new sketch parlor, Pain Is Pleasure. But apparently they're good, and cheaper then Stingers, so I might do my tounge there. Not yet though, I have to wait till I move out for Uni. The parents would shoot me if I got my tounge pierced. They practically flipped out when I suggested getting my second ear piercing done.
All I know is that I will get it done. And after I get my tongue pierced, my next project will be getting my first tattoo.
Or maybe I'll get the tattoo first.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
You Basically Have The IQ Of a Squirrel
I think I miss the feeling of being loved.
Today I saw the slightest, yet most adorable, display of affection from my friend and her boyfriend. Just the way he offered her his sandwich, and told her he had already ate all the peppers because he knew she didn't like them, nothing right?
Wrong.
It's the most wonderful feeling in the world knowing someone knows you, and more importantly, cares about you. Thinks about you. Anything.
Part of me thinks I maybe don't deserve affection. That maybe after behaving so.. poorly, all I deserve is poor treatment.
Maybe being alone is what I get for rejecting the people who were genuinely seemed to care about me.
Then again, did anyone really care about me to begin with? I mean, looking back on my last "serious" relationship, the dick won't even talk to me now. Some bullshit about how he's used to associating me with negative emotions. Don't ask, I don't get it either. So, if he can feel that way about me now, who's to say he ever felt anything else? Maybe when we were dating he was just curious as to what it was like to be in a relationship, and decided to play the role of a boy in love.
I suppose it's possible I'm just being stupid, but that doesn't change the fact that I really just want someone to hold me.
And care about me.
And just be there.
Today I saw the slightest, yet most adorable, display of affection from my friend and her boyfriend. Just the way he offered her his sandwich, and told her he had already ate all the peppers because he knew she didn't like them, nothing right?
Wrong.
It's the most wonderful feeling in the world knowing someone knows you, and more importantly, cares about you. Thinks about you. Anything.
Part of me thinks I maybe don't deserve affection. That maybe after behaving so.. poorly, all I deserve is poor treatment.
Maybe being alone is what I get for rejecting the people who were genuinely seemed to care about me.
Then again, did anyone really care about me to begin with? I mean, looking back on my last "serious" relationship, the dick won't even talk to me now. Some bullshit about how he's used to associating me with negative emotions. Don't ask, I don't get it either. So, if he can feel that way about me now, who's to say he ever felt anything else? Maybe when we were dating he was just curious as to what it was like to be in a relationship, and decided to play the role of a boy in love.
I suppose it's possible I'm just being stupid, but that doesn't change the fact that I really just want someone to hold me.
And care about me.
And just be there.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Baffump
Wow, lots to write and so little time. I'm gonna see how much I can write in the next 15 minutes, cause after that I need to get onto studying for the test I have tomorrow.
Ok, so, yesterday, me and a couple friends went downtown to participate in the Improv Toronto No Pants Subway Ride. Awesome? Yes. Very. Basically, about 300 people showed up, we were split into groups and scattered out on a subway. At a designated time, people started taking their pants off. Then, we'd get of the subway and get on the next one, without pants on. It was ridiculous. People would stare at us and whisper to each other, then one guy got pissed off cause we wouldn't tell him why we weren't wearing pants (my excuse was that my pants were in the dryer). Me and my friends decided to leave that early though, because we had decided to do Free Hugs that day too. We decided to take the no pants subway ride one step further and didn't wear pants for an hour or so outside. This lead to comments like
"Sluts!!"
"Godbless Canadian Girls"
"Aren't you cold?"
"Why aren't you wearing pants?"
"My head hurts.. I'm so confused."
And from one person "Were you guys at the No Pants Subway Ride?"
Lol, we then walked into Chapters and bought coffee. Our conversation with the employee went like this "Why aren't you wearing pants?" "I left them in the dryer." "Oh, ok. What can I get you?"
I'm not even exaggerating. It was funneh.
Afterwards, we continued walking around pantless, till we got to this clothing store and decided to switch from pantless to free hug giving. We pulled our pants out of our purses (to the surprise of the sales clerks) and I exclaimed "Wow, pants are warm, now I know why they were invented. Huh." I got laughed at for that comment. With our pants on, we gave our first hugs to the sales clerks. Leaving there, we began walking around the streets offering free hugs to EVERYBODY. Some people were sweet and gave us lots of hugs, some people pretended to get a phone call the second we were withing earshot, some people were rude (one old guy looked at us, scoffed, and called us "perverts"), some were hot (one guy with a sexy accent kissed us on the cheek for giving him a hug) and some were overly enthusiastic (we were asked for pictures a couple times, and woman got really emotional and gave us this huge speech about how much she appreciated what we were doing.. she even cried a bit). We offered hugs to busy salespeople as well, randomly knocking on store windows and holding up our signs (this was generally greeted with a "come on in and hug me!!") and we even hugged a store security person.
Without a doubt, it was the best day of my life. All the hugging made me smile from ear to ear the entire time.
So that was my weekend. Today, I hooked up with my ex-boyfriend (from elementary school). It wasn't really planned. We had been talking the other night, and decided that we don't see each other often and made plans to hang out today. So after school, we started walking over to this deserted barn that we have on our street. At first we were just exploring. The place was a huge mess, full of random junk, old tires, and broken couches. There were also horse stables on floor level. After exploring that, we found there was an upstairs as well. We continued our exploration of the upper level and found it to be much cleaner and in slightly better shape. As we were about to leave, he looked at me and said "I want to try something." and kissed me. We decided not to leave after that, and instead went over to the cleanest room with a little couch in it and continued making out. That lead to my shirt being undone, and then my bra. His mouth was on mine, then on my neck, then on my chest. He (very gentlemanly) spread out his jacket on the couch for us, and sat me down. My pants were taken off and his mouth was on me again. This time not on my face, but between my legs. It was beautiful. After I was done, we switched places and I had my mouth on him. Apparently I'm not bad at giving head, he kept telling me how "amazing" I was. Unfortunately, whether because of the cold, or for whatever reason, he didn't cum and I had to stop due to loss of feeling in my legs (from the cold). We redressed and continued making out, then sat back on the couch and cuddled as he attempted to thaw me out a bit (I was shivering.. alot).
On my walk home, I figured I had best let the BFFL know what had gone down. I called and told her what happened, and she told me I had horrible choice in guys, that the guy I picked this time was a known "bragger" and that she might be breaking up with her on/off boyfriend of the past couple years.Yeah, what bothered me about that though, was not that she was probably breaking up with him, but that, without it even happening yet, she's already looking for her rebound. I yelled at her and told her I didn't want her to fool around directly after they break up, but she wouldn't listen.
Couple more things, I know, I've gone way over 15 minutes, but I'm almost done, honest. I got in a huge fight with the parents last night, and it currently looks like me and the mother won't be speaking for a while.
In my last post I mentioned my hair: it's pink. Well, the underneath is. Well, it was. It's faded out now for the most part. Still there but not really. I like it. It's exciting.
And last of all, I think, remember the drunk hookup? With the drunken confessions of love? To the guy it turned out I wasn't really into the morning after, when I sobered up? Yeah, well, I just heard from the friend who's house that was at that the guy is still bitching and moaning about "What I did to him.". What I did to him? Really? When I was drunk? Besides that, I thought me and him were friends now. And fb now. Apparently not. Weird cause we'd been making plans to hookup. Looks like he's not interested. Meh.
All done, now TIME TO STUDY. Fuck.
Toodles :)
Ok, so, yesterday, me and a couple friends went downtown to participate in the Improv Toronto No Pants Subway Ride. Awesome? Yes. Very. Basically, about 300 people showed up, we were split into groups and scattered out on a subway. At a designated time, people started taking their pants off. Then, we'd get of the subway and get on the next one, without pants on. It was ridiculous. People would stare at us and whisper to each other, then one guy got pissed off cause we wouldn't tell him why we weren't wearing pants (my excuse was that my pants were in the dryer). Me and my friends decided to leave that early though, because we had decided to do Free Hugs that day too. We decided to take the no pants subway ride one step further and didn't wear pants for an hour or so outside. This lead to comments like
"Sluts!!"
"Godbless Canadian Girls"
"Aren't you cold?"
"Why aren't you wearing pants?"
"My head hurts.. I'm so confused."
And from one person "Were you guys at the No Pants Subway Ride?"
Lol, we then walked into Chapters and bought coffee. Our conversation with the employee went like this "Why aren't you wearing pants?" "I left them in the dryer." "Oh, ok. What can I get you?"
I'm not even exaggerating. It was funneh.
Afterwards, we continued walking around pantless, till we got to this clothing store and decided to switch from pantless to free hug giving. We pulled our pants out of our purses (to the surprise of the sales clerks) and I exclaimed "Wow, pants are warm, now I know why they were invented. Huh." I got laughed at for that comment. With our pants on, we gave our first hugs to the sales clerks. Leaving there, we began walking around the streets offering free hugs to EVERYBODY. Some people were sweet and gave us lots of hugs, some people pretended to get a phone call the second we were withing earshot, some people were rude (one old guy looked at us, scoffed, and called us "perverts"), some were hot (one guy with a sexy accent kissed us on the cheek for giving him a hug) and some were overly enthusiastic (we were asked for pictures a couple times, and woman got really emotional and gave us this huge speech about how much she appreciated what we were doing.. she even cried a bit). We offered hugs to busy salespeople as well, randomly knocking on store windows and holding up our signs (this was generally greeted with a "come on in and hug me!!") and we even hugged a store security person.
Without a doubt, it was the best day of my life. All the hugging made me smile from ear to ear the entire time.
So that was my weekend. Today, I hooked up with my ex-boyfriend (from elementary school). It wasn't really planned. We had been talking the other night, and decided that we don't see each other often and made plans to hang out today. So after school, we started walking over to this deserted barn that we have on our street. At first we were just exploring. The place was a huge mess, full of random junk, old tires, and broken couches. There were also horse stables on floor level. After exploring that, we found there was an upstairs as well. We continued our exploration of the upper level and found it to be much cleaner and in slightly better shape. As we were about to leave, he looked at me and said "I want to try something." and kissed me. We decided not to leave after that, and instead went over to the cleanest room with a little couch in it and continued making out. That lead to my shirt being undone, and then my bra. His mouth was on mine, then on my neck, then on my chest. He (very gentlemanly) spread out his jacket on the couch for us, and sat me down. My pants were taken off and his mouth was on me again. This time not on my face, but between my legs. It was beautiful. After I was done, we switched places and I had my mouth on him. Apparently I'm not bad at giving head, he kept telling me how "amazing" I was. Unfortunately, whether because of the cold, or for whatever reason, he didn't cum and I had to stop due to loss of feeling in my legs (from the cold). We redressed and continued making out, then sat back on the couch and cuddled as he attempted to thaw me out a bit (I was shivering.. alot).
On my walk home, I figured I had best let the BFFL know what had gone down. I called and told her what happened, and she told me I had horrible choice in guys, that the guy I picked this time was a known "bragger" and that she might be breaking up with her on/off boyfriend of the past couple years.Yeah, what bothered me about that though, was not that she was probably breaking up with him, but that, without it even happening yet, she's already looking for her rebound. I yelled at her and told her I didn't want her to fool around directly after they break up, but she wouldn't listen.
Couple more things, I know, I've gone way over 15 minutes, but I'm almost done, honest. I got in a huge fight with the parents last night, and it currently looks like me and the mother won't be speaking for a while.
In my last post I mentioned my hair: it's pink. Well, the underneath is. Well, it was. It's faded out now for the most part. Still there but not really. I like it. It's exciting.
And last of all, I think, remember the drunk hookup? With the drunken confessions of love? To the guy it turned out I wasn't really into the morning after, when I sobered up? Yeah, well, I just heard from the friend who's house that was at that the guy is still bitching and moaning about "What I did to him.". What I did to him? Really? When I was drunk? Besides that, I thought me and him were friends now. And fb now. Apparently not. Weird cause we'd been making plans to hookup. Looks like he's not interested. Meh.
All done, now TIME TO STUDY. Fuck.
Toodles :)
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Drum Roll Please
It's the New Year, which means that it's been about a year of my typing to you. Well, not quite, but that's what it's going to look like in the side bar/history thing :). Seeing as it is the New Year, certain traditions ought to be upheld. For example, the customary "resolutions", reminiscing, and regretting. Thing is, I don't think I really regret anything this past year. Sure, I went through some shit, I dealt with a couple bitches, climbed a couple mountains, but I also got stronger from lifting the obstacles out of my way, or from jumping over them, as I usually did. Point is, why regret things? What does that really accomplish? I suppose, if one was to begin by regretting, and allow that regret to lead them towards something like, wonder, or curiousity as to what was going through their heads at the time, then regret would be a beautiful thing. it would allow people to do something they don't normally do, at all. Then again, I can't honestly say that. Not having been inside the heads of many people. I did just pick the brain of my good friend, and fb, asking him why he wasn't interested in dating me. I asked him what he would change about me. To which he honestly replied, that he wouldn't change a thing about me, and that there just wasn't a spark. What the fuck am I saying? I think I totally went off topic, and I can't believe I thought that he said that honestly. I don't know, I have trouble thinking of him as anything but perfect. Everything he says, everything he does, the way he looks, just everything. I adore him. I don't love him anymore though. I haven't really even thought about him like that since back then, a hundred years or so ago, when I thought I was actually in love with him. Silly, stupid me. I suppose there's a possibility that I'm in denial, and am just trying to save some pride by pretending. But I don't think so.
Anywho, completely off topic, lets get back on track with the New Years thing. Uhmmmm. I missed out on all the new years parties. I had just gotten off the plane back to Canada, from Arizona (where I had spent a week of the break with my sister at my, uncles? house). I saw a cactus for the first time, and we went to visit the Grande Canyon, which was absolutely incredible. Surreal, almost. Well, after I got off the plane landing in Canada, my parents were there to pick us up. We headed home, getting there at about 11:50, ten minutes before midnight. I hopped into the shower and ended up shampooing my hair as the clock struck midnight and the new year began. I was excited to go party after the flight, but my parents rejected that thoroughly and had me stay home the entire new years. I could've cried. It didn' really help when I got calls from friends yelling Happy New Years in slurred voices. But thats ok. No regrets. Hahah, Hakunah Matata.
I have to write more, about Malaysia, and about my hair, and my male "friends" and I'm sure theres more. But I'm not thinking straight right now, so I'll continue this later.
Night :)
Anywho, completely off topic, lets get back on track with the New Years thing. Uhmmmm. I missed out on all the new years parties. I had just gotten off the plane back to Canada, from Arizona (where I had spent a week of the break with my sister at my, uncles? house). I saw a cactus for the first time, and we went to visit the Grande Canyon, which was absolutely incredible. Surreal, almost. Well, after I got off the plane landing in Canada, my parents were there to pick us up. We headed home, getting there at about 11:50, ten minutes before midnight. I hopped into the shower and ended up shampooing my hair as the clock struck midnight and the new year began. I was excited to go party after the flight, but my parents rejected that thoroughly and had me stay home the entire new years. I could've cried. It didn' really help when I got calls from friends yelling Happy New Years in slurred voices. But thats ok. No regrets. Hahah, Hakunah Matata.
I have to write more, about Malaysia, and about my hair, and my male "friends" and I'm sure theres more. But I'm not thinking straight right now, so I'll continue this later.
Night :)
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