I'm almost afraid to speak freely on here. So much is going on in my life and I don't even have the courage to take it out on my keyboard. I don't even know where to begin.
I suppose I can explain why I'm afraid to write here. But in order to explain that, I need to go back a bit.
Well, remember that post where I was saying my parents suspected me of smoking weed after the party, cause my jacket reeked? Well, that was just taken WAY too far. Basically, my parents decided to do some digging after that incident and found all this dirt on me. Namely, they found out a lot of the things I've done. This lead to us getting into huge fights, them thinking that I'm crazy, a pothead, a slut and who knows what else. Point is, any trust they had in me was completely thrown out the window. From there, it just got worse. For the next three weeks it was just fight after fight, and no hope for improvement. Needless to say, my parents decided I need help. Thing is, there's nothing wrong with me. Ok, so I drink at parties, I smoke, I sleep around a bit, does that really mean that I'm broken? No. It doesn't.
What makes me broken is the fact that I've gone crazy being trapped in this.. household.
That argument got me nowhere. The parents were insistent I see a shrink. More than insistent, actually. I had no say in the matter.
Before visiting the shrink, which was actually just a couple days ago, I did something stupid because I didn't know what else to do.
It was Valentine's Day, and we were still fighting and yelling and screaming. They were threatening to give the people important to me to the police because of the "dirt" they had on them. They left the room for a minute. I saw my advil container, in it were about 20 advils, 5 of which were the really strong ones the dentist prescribed to me when I got my molars pulled out. Almost on impulse, I opened the container, emptied the contents into my mouth, and took a gulp of water.
I was in shock.
My parents walked in again, and continued yelling at me. They didn't yet know. I was almost at peace, thinking "I won't have to cry for much longer". I spent the rest of the day in a state of semi-consciousness. I was in and out of sleep all day.
They soon found out, by putting one and one together. They know I don't sleep much, and when they saw how many advils were missing, they figured it out.
So now I'm seeing a shrink. I've gone once so far and I don't like it. My next appointment is next week. I really don't like this, especially seeing as I'm not crazy.
I finally told my best friend what's going on. Just yesterday actually. After three weeks of torture at home, my best friend is now aware of the hell I'm going through.
One last thing before I go, don't know if I've mentioned this before or not, but I've gotten two uni acceptances so far. Waterloo and Mcmaster. I'm still holding out for Western though.
I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.
No comments:
Post a Comment