After looking back on my previous posts, I realized I had forgot to inform you of why it is I am afraid to write in here right now. This is how scattered my mind is, I don't even know which way is up anymore. Anyways, the reason I worry is because, due to the situation at hand, my parents have been digging up information on me. During out last argument, I got out of my father one of his sources, my laptop. More specifically, using Rogers Parental Control, or some shit like that. With this ridiculous technology, my parents were able to see everything I'd typed onto my keyboard for (according to them) three days. I don't believe them though. I've lost all faith in any of the words they tell me. This is because that's all they are now, words. Nothing more.
Even so, I couldn't bare being away from this for so long, I needed a release, and I don't yet have the courage to hold a blade to my wrist. My fear of pain is getting the best of me there.
I was actually explaining this to my friend last night. He asked how I felt and the only way to explain it to him was by saying that I don't feel anymore. Confused, he asked me to clarify. The best I came up with was this: You know how sometimes you just don't care anymore? It's almost the same for me, except now I don't feel. I'm almost numb to all of it.
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