Oh boy, I can’t believe how long it is since I’ve written anything. I can’t help it though, I’m so afraid of ruining what I’ve fixed with my parents. And I can’t help but be afraid that they are still reading this. Or stalking my internet. Or whatever. Regardless, I miss writing, and I figured if I wrote this while out at Williams, they can’t tap into the internet, and thus, cannot read it. I’m hoping my theory holds. Might as well give it a shot. Alright, lots to say, and so little time. Not really sure where to start… I suppose I should clarify what I was talking about in the last post. Remember how there was the guy I dated in elementary school, and then we hooked up in high school and he kept wanting to hook up again during uni? Well, me and him now have this random sex thing, where we’ll figure out one another’s schedule and get together on free days for same (really great) sex and some (equally great) weed. The reason I wanted to vent about this was that I was super confused as to what he wanted from me, like- if he wanted a relationship or just to use me, and a whole ton of other stuff along those lines. That’s less of an issue now, cause I confronted him about it last time whilst high and pretty much just stated “this is just sex, right?” and then went about my business. Oh, andddd, while we’re on the topic of sex and whatnot, I should probably inform you of the absolute worst sex of my life. Haha, that sounds kinda melodramatic, but I’m not even exaggerating. No, it wasn’t with the same guy as I’ve mentioned above, it was just a hookup at my friends party. I was having a blast getting wasted and high and all that fun stuff, and was also playing some randomass video game that I don’t recall the name of. I didn’t know how to play, but everyone just kept saying to hit buttons, and apparently I’m really good at hitting random buttons. So I was really kicking my friends ass at this game when this guy comes and starts telling me how great I am and puts his hand on my knee etc. Won’t go into details about the sex (mainly cause it sucked) but I will say this: He spanked me. Yeah. It was just really weird. And so bad. And now every time I hear someone say “Oh, you’re such a good girl” to their dog or something, I start feeling sick. Ugh.
Enough about that, let’s move on to the next topic. Which is all the fun I have (and haven’t) been having while at home for the summer. Like, I’ve had some great fun visiting with friends and I saw the gay brit a couple times, once when he stayed over (oh ma gawd, great story, I should talk about that next) and once when I went there. Also spent a shit ton of time with the ginger and toto (last time I saw the ginger we smoked hookah at her place and watched the original alice in wonderland movie), and got to see the girl I became friends with during second semester english. Haven’t come up with a nickname for her yet. Hrmm. Wonder what I should call her, I mean, we’ve been hanging out a lot lately, I feel like I should have something to refer to her by. I think I’ll go with lis. Yeah, that works. For a number of reasons, actually. But none I can mention cause they work in regards to her name. Right, well, me and lis were hanging out a little while ago, and had a blast hanging out- went for pizza, checked out a great book store, and ate jelly belly beans.
Ooh, speaking of books, I’ve been reading some really great ones. I read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and LOVED it. It was SO FUCKING GOOD. I couldn’t put it down. I finished it in only a few days, and that book is about 800 pages long. I was so sad when I finished it, and so found the other two of the trilogy and sped through those too. I was kinda nervous that the ending would leave us wanting more, or be a cliffhanger or something, because apparently the author died before the books were published. Thankfully, the ending was perfect and I had absolutely no complaints- other than the fact that it was done. Unfortunately, the book I started reading after the trilogy really sucked, so I had to put it down midway. Luckily, during my hangouts with the gay brit, we also went to a bookstore and he introduced me to a great book called The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde. So far it’s fascinating and absolutely hilarious.
Right, so the gay brit staying over. Well, that day me and ginger went downtown with some friends with the plan to get drunk and go watch our friends cousin participate in a performance of Repo! The Genetic Opera. I was unaware of this at the time, but apparently the same way people do Rocky showings, they do Repo showings too. It was fucking brilliant. Right so, we went downtown, and met up with the brit and got lost a couple times, and then proceeded to my friend’s cousins place, after which we got lost (again) and finally found the place we were trying to get to. From there we proceeded to the LCBO only to find there was a massive crown of people wanting to get their booze on. So a couple of waited outside and sang along with this busker who was serenading us. As per usual, I got super intoxicated super fast, and started holding hands and singing songs with the brit the entire way to the theatre. Afterwards I had to deal with my classic post hangout freakout, concerned with smelling like either alcohol or cigarettes and not wanting to get caught by my parents. The brit hadn’t seen this side of me before cause of uni and I was scared that it would make him think poorly of me, but that might have just been the alcohol talking. We finally got to my place at around 2am ish and my parents weren’t happy. Luckily, they were in bed and didn’t talk to us or nothing. Crisis averted. We spent some time just chilling in my bed listening to music and then fell asleep. It was really great. Oh, and then the second time I saw him, I went down to the beaches and met up with him there. We went for food (had these super awesome veggie burgers, oh ma gawd, I died- they were so good) and then sat by the beach and (surprise surprise) sang songs and yelled at geese.
I also got to hang out with my panda a couple times, which was great. He’s so much fun to talk to, and just, hang out with. He’s really funny and really easy to talk to, doesn’t care about boundaries and is ok with talking about pretty much anything. It was actually pretty funny, we were on our way to get sushi and ran into a couple of those Jehovah’s Witnesses. They started trying to “get us on the right path” and we had a lot of fun questioning their beliefs and trying to disprove what they had to say. Very respectfully and all, but still.
Almost forgot to mention the scavenger hunt! Oh gosh, that was sooo much fun. Me and some friends usually love doing the random Improv Toronto events and show up to as many of them as we can. The most recent was the scavenger hunt. We were given a list of things we had to find, take a picture of and answer. And each thing was located somewhere around downtown Toronto. We found about 75% of the things on our list and had a blast looking for them. I learnt about a ton of new places, which was pretty cool too.
Also, I’ve got a job now, though I can barely call it that cause they’re not giving me any shifts. At all. They gave me 3 10 hour shifts in a row during opening week but nothing since then. FML. Luckily, come July I have two weeks work as a secretary at a doctor’s office. And then, after that I’m gonna start work at a Rogers store cause my dad knows the guy that runs it and asked if he had an opening or anything. The guy said he did but he didn’t want me to leave for the two weeks in July so I said I’d start after them. Woott! Work! Thank heavens. In the meantime, during my worklessness I’ve spent my time glued to the tv cause I started watching Angel again (a great tv show about a vampire “detective” who “helps the helpless”. I love it.) and just finished the last episode today. It’s five seasons long. I got through it in about two weeks. How sad is that? But I haven’t been completely lifeless, for the most part. I mean, I go to the gym a couple times a week (I’ve gotten addicted to Yoga, hoping to find a class to sign up to in Waterloo when I get back) and there’s the chill sessions with people.
This weekend I was supposed to go to Wasaga with some friends where we were gonna rent a cottage by the beach and bask in the awesomeness that is the beach. Unfortunately, the group decided to just do one day, and expect me to cough up 50 bucks to go go-karting with them. Because I don’t have that kind of money, I’m probably not gonna go. Luckily, lis is going to be downtown again this weekend, so I’ll probably just go spend the weekend with her and (hopefully) get super wasted.
Uhmm, right! Me, my mom and my sister are planning on getting matching tattoos. We’re considering getting a lotus flower, representative of divinity, peace and beauty. Though the main relation to us is the peace aspect. Because of our relationship, having something that reminds us of peace while also reminding us of one another is quite an accomplishment.
Lastly, I was going through some of my old documents and I found a conversation between me and the last boyfriend. The one with the anxiety issue. The one who turned out to be a douche bag who thought our relationship was a joke. If you could read the conversation I just read, you would know for a fact- that relationship was anything but a joke. We really cared about each other, and we got along really well. We understood what the other was saying, and could always relate. We were comfortable being perfectly honest, and could joke around. And I’d even told him about the fact that I didn’t attach any emotion to sex during that conversation. You knew that sex didn’t matter to me. You probably don’t read my blog anymore, but if you do, I want you to know that our relationship wasn’t a joke. It really mattered. To both of us. Or at least to me.
Uhmm, I’m sure there’s more to say, but I can’t really remember every single thing that’s happened over the last two months, so I think I’ll just leave it at that and see if I can squeeze in another post at some point in time before I start school again.
But I’ll close with something interesting. Last time I got high, I decided to write down what I was thinking about. It was a really great high and we went to the forest and just enjoyed the beauty of it. It was like an adventure, and I loved every second of it. I literally stood and stared at a patch of forest for about two hours, and it was the most amazing experience of my life. The forest was so… alive. And it was talking to me, and.. oh gosh, I wish I could explain it all to you. Unfortunately, I don’t remember all the details, so I’ll just type out what I had written and share that with you. Bear in mind, I was high, so coherence wasn’t my top priority.
“I sense there’s something in the air, a silence coming, a new wall burning. Just words. So many faces, they pass me by and by. Itchy itchy. They come a biting, knocking on your door. They will be pouncing, and just creating words. It’s always moving. I’ll never remember the tune. You don’t see it anymore. You shot (?[I can’t read the word for sure]) yours and only memories of a dream remain. I’m so high I can touch the sun. I’m burnt down to a crisp, you see. There’s so much more I want to write down. They fleet so quickly by though. You want to get rid of me, but I refuse to go. Not because I want you, no. Because I want to stay. That is the end of that one, you say, and falsely wipe a tear. You whisper I’ll be coming up for more. Attempts to pretend, but knows not how to. Mmm, Angel. I should pack up my shit and let him be free to go. Could I come back at all or will I fall down through the hole? He keeps hinting and nudging. Let us go, he pleads, help us all beware! She’s mad as a hatter and ready to call out to the children and branches and brethren.”
I realize that little of that made sense, but to fill you in, I was actually talking about the guy I was with at the end, and how he kept trying to get rid of me, and how he thought I was insane.
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