The Devastation Was Just Incredible

I find my tattoos incredibly calming, it's great to look at them and think "this is forever". Especially when so many things in life are just temporary. And insignificant. After a fight with my parents, for example, I look at them and think. This is temporary in comparison to my tattoos. Better things will come.

On another note ALL TOGETHER, I had a super weird dream the other night. I had spent the day with my grandma and was spending the night at her place as well, and fell asleep at around 2/3ish. I woke up at 8 (I thought) but it was just a dream. So when I thought I'd woke up, V and Tall White Boy walked into the apartment and started rearranging the furniture and then just plopped down on the couch. Then I woke up. Actually.
Hahaha, yeah, super random, and I don't really see any significance in it, I just thought it was amusing so I shared. Also, had a great time last night with Toto and the gay british man, we went down to the beaches and I gave him his birthday gift (a box of dog hair and a "pin the macho on the man" poster game :P). We walked around a bit, ate dinner at the Green Eggplant (super yummy) and then ginger and her friend (the guy we stayed with when we went to queens last year) came to the beaches and joined us. We spent the hour or so together sitting on the beach while playing "breastketball" with rocks and handfuls of sand. It was greatly entertaining, if not a little painful. I've got a couple little bruises now. Lol. But yeah, that's all for now.
Oh, wait, no. Forgot to mention. The trip has been decided. We're going to P.E.I. on the 27th and we get back on the 4th I think, which means I won't be able to movie in till either the 5th or 6th. Which really reallly realllyyyyyy sucks. I'LL BE MISSING SINGLE AND SEXY!!! Gahhhhh, it's making me really angry. But not actually angry, just kinda depressed :(

Boys Don't Cry

I don't know what it is, but I've been super emotional the past little while. Honestly, I figured it was just cause work was stressing me out, but I dunno, it seems a bit much to be simply a symptom of exhaustion. Par example, I was watching this movie "Boys Don't Cry" (gosh, it was a great movie, about a trans guy... f2m, and how he fell in love with this girl, but because they lived in hick town he kept it a secret, until everyone found out and a) raped him, b) beat him, and eventually c) killed him) and (back to my point) at the end of the movie when one of the dickheads puts a gun to Brendan's (the main character) head and pulls the trigger, I LITERALLY started bawling my eyes out. I was crying so hard, my dog came and sat in my lap and gave me kisses to try and cheer me up. I was so heartbroken over it that I was still crying at the end credits, and then my parents came home (they were at my grandma's) and saw me crying on the couch and got super concerned. I told them it was nothing, just a really sad movie and they kinda laughed at me *sadface*. Well, they didn't actually laugh at me, they just kinda smiled that knowing smile and my mum said "Aww, why did you sit and watch a sad movie by yourself? You should have watched it with me so I could hold you when we cried." Except she said it in farsi so it sounded more endearing.

On another note altogether, I'm torn. The family wants to go on vacation at the end of the month and our initial plans were going to P.E.I., but then my aunts decided they were going on a group trip to mexico, and they want us to go too. Thing is, I don't know which I want to do. P.E.I. is beautiful, and more cultured and peaceful and has beautiful scenery. Plus I've never been. Mexico, on the other hand, is hot sexy and full of free alcohol (we'd be staying at a resort) and sexy men. I don't know if I'm sexy enough to go to mexico, especially if the rest of my toothpick sized family is going. Ugh, I feel like a fucking cow when I stand next to my cousin. She's like, a third of my size and twice my height. Fucklife. I know, I'm being super shallow right now, but I can't help it- it comes with this new super emotional thing I'm going through. Maybe I am just tired. *Sigh* ah well, time for bed, work in the morningggg. Gahhh.

This Feels Right

You know how when something is right, but you don't know it's right, you just know it feels right? I don't really know why I mentioned that feeling, but it'd be super great if you knew the feeling anyways. Not for my benefit, but for your own. It's a truly great feeling. Not to mention, I'm kinda totally feeling it about my new blog make-over.
Bythewayyyy, I have some GREAT news. I've finally bought my furniture set for my room! Well, I haven't technically bought it yet, but my dad shook hands with the guy who's selling it to us, which is practically the same thing. It's great, small enough to fit in my room, but smart enough to permit a good amount of storage room. Hopefully it'll fit as perfectly as I see it in my head. Best part is that the guy is selling me the whole fucking set for a mere 250. Like, seriously? It's fantastic. Although, I did feel super guilty for not buying it from the furniture whole sale stores we were looking at. The stores were practically deserted when we were looking at the bed sets and the poor owners looked absolutely desperate to make a sale. They literally just kept dropping the price till they came to about 500 for a whole set, which gave them (according to my dad) almost no profit. I felt like it was my duty to help them out by buying something from them. Though, I guess it's not my fault- I'm a fucking university student. I can barely afford school. (That's a complete lie, I can't afford school. At all.)
Anywho, enough of this depressing financial talk. I am just so excited to move in, and I keep freaking out when I see the date and realize there's literally 2 weeks until I can live freely again. OH MA GAWD, I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT.
Asides from wanting to get out of here, it is without a doubt that I miss everyone like fucking crazy. (Sorry if I'm swearing more than usual, there was a stupid fight thing with my parents today and I guess I'm still kinda pissy.) Especially V. I really miss V. We've been texting a lot, and really randomly too. I think our last conversation started with him texting saying "I was thinking about co-op and I thought of you", or something like that. Of course I miss everyone else as well, like blondie and the brit and the asian ottawaian, but for some reason I've been thinking about V a lot lately.
Uhmm, I think that's it, plus I'm super exhausted. Fuck- because I didn't work 4 days, I immediately fell back into my old routine of going to bed at 5 in the morning. It's ridiculous. Plus, I have work on thursday so I'm gonna be screwedd. Fffffffff.
Ah well. Time for bed! Tata for now <3

I Wear My Sunglasses At Night

So I can, so I can 
Watch you weave 
Then breathe your story lines.


Gosh, I love that song. But only those first lyrics. They keep repeating in my head whenever someone mentions shades. Lol, anywho, I just got back from the twins place, BY FUCKING CARRR. Fuck yeah. Driving is cool *cool face*. Uhm, right, I just got back from the twins', we went to an open mic thing at this ADORABLE little coffee shop/bookstore called Covernotes. Love it. It was pretty sick, this one girl sang some of her own songs then did covers of Morissette and Twain. Haha, I feel so cultured, referring to people by their last names. Oh, nighttime, what a fool you make of me. Or maybe it's just me. You know, being me. 
Getting off track. I was talking with her about what I should get the gay brit for his birthday, and I told her how I had originally wanted to get him sexy underwear and a box of fur (it was in reference to a text conversation me and him had had regarding my current place of employment and his interest in a new fur coat). Unfortunately, I could not find the text in order to validate the direction of my gift, so I brought it up with him and he said "If I said no, we never had that (a conversation where he asked me to bring him dog fur), but we did have a conversation about getting me a man, would that change the gift?" (That was a direct quote) SO I said sure. Now I want to get him a man, I was thinking either a blow up doll, or a ken. And I'm still going to put it in a box of dog fur. I don't know why I'm talking about this, I just thought it was a very entertaining gift idea and figured you'd like to know. If anyone is still reading this. Or if I'm reading this, you know, later on in my life, when I decide to go back and peruse my youth and adolescence. Peruse. Haha, I didn't believe that was a real word at one point in time. I believe I was editing the tall white (dickhead's) essay and came across the term. I gave him a funny look signifying "what the fuck is this?" and was informed of the terms definition. Now it's just fun to say :P


"Dickhead" was mean, and I suppose uncalled for. I guess that because we haven't spoken at all lately, I still haven't gotten over what happened. Which is a bitch cause we'll practically be living together this year. FUCK. 


I love this feeling of release. I get it each time I start writing again. I'll usually start writing and be all "I have nothing to say" but then I get to typing, or writing, or whatever and suddenly all these words and thoughts and ideas start flowing out of my fingers and it get's me wondering, where were these feelings hiding for all this time?! Like, how did I survive with all these words bubbling underneath my surface?


Kay, is it just me, or has my writing style changed since... before? I don't know what it is, but as I reread what I've typed I'm kinda just thinking to myself, where is this coming from? I feel like I sound funny. Not funny like, humorous, but funny like- different. Hard to explain. Hopefully this makes sense to my reader. Whoever you may be. 
Hmmm, I may have had this thought before, but let me say it again, considering this is my blog, I seem to refer to the alleged reader a good number of times. 
At any rate, it's time for bed, I have to go furniture shopping tomorrow. *Sigh*

I Guess I'm Talking About Lovee

It was time for a face lift. Fact of the matter is, I don't feel like constant darkness. I've been happier of late, and I want to embrace that. It's nice not feeling super depressed all the time. Not saying I was super depressed all the time or nothing, but you know what I mean. Or maybe you don't. God know's I don't know what I mean. Like that. Did that even make sense? Oh gosh, I've been away from university too long, my late night tolerance has diminished. It's only 2 and I've lost all coherence.
Anywho, I was going on about this face lift business. I just felt like it was time for a change. I'm working on changing myself as well. Gonna loose weight and start dressing better (and less slobbily) and try to make an effort in life. Kay, maybe not that last bit, I don't take kindly to effort. But you get my drift. Geez, I don't know why I insist on suggesting that the reader always understand my trains of thought. Haha, trains. Oh. Dear. Maybe I should leave this post for later.
No.
Less procrastinating this year. I am determined. Actually, I don't have much to write, to be honest. I feel like I've changed a lot. Not recently, per say, just overall. Through the course of my life. I have evolved into a whole new person. Or, as I have often said "into myself".
You know something weird? I was randomly trying to remember the blog address for one of my exes. But I can't remember it and it's driving me insane. I don't think he uses it anymore anyways, I'm pretty sure it was solely created for when we were dating. Not to document our relationship, per say, just, I think he started the blog cause he liked that I had one. Dunno.
Speaking of exes, I'm kinda sad that I've grown so far apart from all of them. I mean, I used to think I was good at maintaining friendships, but now that I think about it, I'm not really friends with any of them anymore. And it's not just the exes either. I've lost a number of friendships. Like, my high school "friends". I don't know why I put that in quotations. No, I do know why. Cause we weren't really friends, I guess. Considering I had said I wouldn't be super depressing anymore, this is fairly depressing. Hrmm. Guess that's something I should work on.
Meh. Time for sleep :)