Cause All I Do Is Think Of You

I almost started crying today.
On my walk home.
I had seen him in the hallway, at school. And the first time, he didn't notice me, and I had to see him give some girl a hug as I walked by. The second time he waved at me. A half-hearted wave.
That's all I get after pouring my heart out to him, and letting him force me into cybering again with him. After making the first move, telling him I liked him and sometimes wish we were dating, I figured he'd make the next move. After we started talking for a couple days, he disappeared off the Internet. I still saw him at school, but that was it, and even then it was just a glance in passing. No more online chats. I figured he was busy. But there was action on his facebook, so that didn't make sense.
When I saw him today, and he waved, I thought, finally. But no. Nothing.
Then when I was walking home, right after I saw him, my phone rang. First thought that came to my mind "It's him." No, of course it's not. Just my dad. Offering me a ride home.

I hate that I'm writing this here. Here where I try my hardest to have semi deep thoughts. Things with real substance. Instead I'm bitching about my stupid crush and how he's not into me.

But it's more then that. He's not just a stupid crush. I think I might actually be in love with him. I dated him long ago, all the way back in elementary school. When we were both little and innocent, and our idea of a good time was sitting outside, me in his arms, reading a book together.
I was a faster reader then him, and he would purposely only skim the whole page each time just so he could keep up with me and not make me wait for him. He was that considerate. And we used to pass notes to each other. Every night, we'd write to each other, a love letter of sorts, and the next day we would trade. I'd give him his, and he'd my mine. But then he dumped me, on the last day of school. Telling me that my parents were too strict and he couldn't handle it. And I was hurt. And I cried. And the next day he was dating someone else. At that time, I didn't know about my need to "empty my head" by writing things down, so I unleashed all my hurt at him in e-mails. Lots of them. And I'd press send each time. Then I tore up every single letter he'd ever written to me. My train of thought at that time being "Why keep a bunch of lies?". I tried to break the necklace he bought me. But I couldn't bring myself to do it, or throw it out even. So I gave it to my best friend of the time, and asked her to keep it. I've lost touch with that friend, so I'm never going to get that necklace back. She probably threw it out the minute she got home anyways, it wasn't a particularly special necklace. But it meant a lot to me.

When me and him started talking again, after I made my confession about liking him and wanting to date him, we started talking about "The good old times". He told me that he still had all the notes I'd written to him. Every single one of them. And that made me cry too.