Marvelous Findings

I wish I was a glo-worm, a glo-worm's never glum. 'Cos how can you be gloomy when the sun shines out your bum?

It's A New Day

Yes, I do realize how on and off my posts have been of late, and for that I apologize. Not to you, per say, all though if you are an avid reader, than I suppose I apologize to you too. No, I feel like this apology is to be directed to myself. I've been so caught up with, life, that I haven't put any time aside for myself. If that makes any sense. Granted, this blog has kinda stopped being for myself. It used to be, when I didn't know anyone was reading it, and when it was my little secret. But then I decided that I wanted, as Charlie puts it, for someone to know. Someone who could just know what was going on and.. just know. You know?

Theres some basketball kid on the news right now, from Laurier university. I wonder how he feels about it. I mean, you hear about this sort of thing in books and movies, and it's always some dumb popular kid that ends up on the news. Is he some dumb popular kid? Does he have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? Someone who's incredibly excited to see him on the news? Do you think he even knew he was on tv tonight? Maybe he just heard about it now, as he was finishing up some paper due tomorrow, and his buddy called him up to tell him to turn the tv to channel 12. I don't know, I mean, maybe it's not even such a big deal to him. Maybe he's some random who just joined the basketball team for shits and giggles. It's interesting to think about though.

Another interesting thing is this english paper I have to start writing. It's not actually a difficult thing to write, I just haven't gotten around to it yet. BUT it is a fascinating thing to write about. My paper is all about the isolating factors of the high school setting, namely those present in the books King Dork and Perks of Being a Wallflower. It's great cause, when I think about it, I wonder if everyone experiences it the same way, and I know they don't, so it makes it even more interesting. Like, sure, everyone experiences everything differently, but high school is something else. High school is where you start figuring out who you are, what you are, how you feel a bout certain things, how you're to deal with certain situations, etc. High school, for some people, is when they need to learn how to blend in to avoid bullies. For others, it's where they vent at their surroundings because of shit they deal with at home. It's where you grow, identify and experiment- all three of which are related in one way or another. You experience isolation, because you aren't quite liked by the "normal" people. You feel alienated because you aren't like the "normal" kids. It's really, something. DEFINITELY not the best four years of my life, but a huge... factor? in the rest of your life.

On a completely different note, why don't people like using cliches? Like, the reason cliches are around is because of what they are. Big ideas, or phrases, or whatever, that a bunch of people could relate to. You know? I mean, sure, it's better to say something in your own words, but if someone's already said it better, why not just use that?

I'm sure theres some random drama updates I should be writing about, but you know? I really couldn't care less. I'm enjoying "emptying my mind" of all these ongoing thoughts. And, I've stopped really thinking about my lifes events. I mean, sure, there important, and make up my life, technically, but theres so many more interesting things for me to think about, other than my life.

Well, that's all for now, back to feeble attempts at essay writing.

Toodles.

Poems to Remember

Poor Charlie, he was totally on the right track, and yet, he dealt with so much more bullcrap then I did, and suffers so much worse because of it. Granted, he ends up falling in love with someone who loves him for loving her in his own way, and he ends up with a group of crazy awesome friends. But either way, he knew what he was talking about. More importantly, I knew what he was talking about.

For those confused readers, Charlie is the main character of (quite possibly) the greatest book ever. Well, greatest teen fiction novel. But then, it's so much more than just a teen book, it's really deep, and philosophical at points, just because of the way he thinks. It was almost eerie reading this book again, because I could relate so well to so many of the things he was experiencing.

BY THE WAY, forgot to mention, the books called The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

What If God Was One of Us

Kay, so, kinda going off the beaten path here, but I'm in English class right now and we're reading Frankenstein, and I was just kinda hit with this idea that really interested me. I don't know if anyone reading this has necessarily read Frankenstein, but it's a great book (so far, I haven't finished it yet) and it's all about this guy who creates a creature, who he's immediately repulsed by, and runs away from. This poor creature ends up trying to figure out life for himself, but is constantly rejected by human society, so he responds by wreaking havoc and attempting to get revenge on his "creator" by killing all that are dear to him (the creator, Victor). I was just thinking how this totally relates to human life. I mean, Victor is kinda like our God, he's created life, and has left this life from to fend for itself. That's not where I was going with this, because I don't think that God left us here due to fear or lack of responsibility, nonono, however, what I was going for was that, this book reminds me of this song, "What if God was one of Us". Again, if you haven't heard the song, it's all about if God was living among us, would we accept it, would we take note of it, how would we treat Him, etc. And reading this book, it kinda struck me that, the way both Victor and his creature are treated are a great reflection of how unaccepting we as people are. How we lack compassion. I mean, do you really think anyone would accept as strange a creature as Frankenstein's monster? Or, how do you think we'd respond to a "creator" figure? We wouldn't accept him. We wouldn't believe him. AND YET so many people believe in this "supernatural", immortal, and divine God. We can't see Him. We can't have a conversation with Him, and yet, we accept him. Yes, I realize that not everyone believes in God, and I'm not forcing a belief of God or religion onto you. Not at all, I'm just kinda observing. I find it quite fascinating. Plus, I myself don't really follow any religion, and even my opinion on the existence of God is ever changing. So I'm not suggesting that there IS a God, there may or may not be. I'm just taking note of how interesting we are as human beings.

At Least Out Loud

Yeah, yeah, I know, it's been a whole week, or so, and I haven't written. I don't know, I mean, stuffs been going on, I just don't have the heart, or the patience to write it all down. That's not to say it's all bad, it's just, nothing really exciting, I suppose. Nothing worth mentioning. Much like the majority of my previous blogs, random nonsense about this drama and that.

Just, living.

I wrote a midterm today, philosophy. I finished a half hour early. I'm hoping I did well, but we'll see, I guess.

I just used the word "I" 5 times in that sentence. Displeased.

Anywho, I've totally forgotten what I was going to ramble about. Uhm, I'm talking with one of my new friends, who I've yet to give a nickname to, but it's the guy I met when I hacked gingers account. We might get to see each other for the first time next week, cause that's when reading week starts and we all get time to chill (and study).

Other than that, my cousin is as big a creep as ever. No, not the stupid cousin who's screwing with her parents, no, this one's been a creep since I first met him. The one who'd convince me that he just wanted to give me a foot massage each time I was at his house, who convinced me not to tell the parents about it, who still talks to me about his foot fetish, and how he likes my feet, and how his girlfriend's feet just won't do it for him, who will inform me of his masturbation habits while asking about my sex/love life. Yeah, that one. Well, he too wants to see me when I visit over the break. Honestly, I'm kinda scared to hang out with him. I mean, sure, I'm stronger and smarter than when the whole secret foot thing was going on, but I just don't know how I'm supposed to deal with him.

Kay, I got bored of writing this post like, two hours ago. Literally.

I'm just gonna stop.

Tata for now.

Nothing Really Matters

It's kinda sad, the direction our friendship has turned. We used to all go out together, random movie nights, dinners, whatever. Now, theres no more of that. I don't remember the last time all of us went to see a movie. Sure, occasionally, a group of the majority of us will get together to eat at the caf, but that's the extent of it. I hardly hang out with blondie any more, except the occasional friday, mainly because she's always got her date nights. I've practically stopped talking with tall white boy (due to our juvenile conflict), and I only sometimes see V. The brit and I get food more often than not, but it's still not much, same with me and the asian ottawaian. Again, we see each other, but we don't go out. At all. It makes me sad.

On the other hand, I am making some great new friends. Like, today, my english class was cancelled, so I went out for coffee with a couple people from my queer film course. They're really great, those artsy involved type people. It's really great having intellectual conversation with people, I seldom get to do it with a lot of my friends. Most people just don't have much to say about things like silence, or the lack of diversity in sociology courses (a couple of the topics we brooded on during coffee). Speaking of new friends, theres also the girl from my english class who I've gotten to be friends with. I absolutely adore hanging out with her. I mean, she's kinda intimidating, but I respect her so much for being a "real person". We have alot in common, and I feel like we're going to be hanging out alot more. She came over friday night to help me dye my hair (yeah, I decided to bleach it, but more on that after this) and then we went for bubble tea and from there went to her place for light conversation, and then tarot cards. Yeah, random, but great fun. We got to know each other and talked about all our stories and experiences and religious and philosophical beliefs. It was brilliant.

Right, so the bleached hair. Uhm, I've got naturally brown hair, dark brownish, I suppose. But I like dying it black, or dark, or whatever. But I've never done it lighter. So on friday, me and blondie went to the mall and she wanted to get some dye to lighten her color, and as I was standing in front of this box of bleach, I decided I wanted to be blonde. I bought it, went home and proceeded to dying my hair. It turned out well enough, I think. I'm quite fond of the look, except that my eyebrows are now invisible and I have to color them in, and also, my roots are actually blonde while my hair is kinda... caramelish. I dunno, I mean, I'm not blonde or anything, just kinda a really light brown. Meh, I like it, so it's good. And it's really funny each time I look in a mirror, or see my reflection in a window, I keep having to d0uble check to make sure it's still me :P

Your Hair Was Long, When We First Met

Hardcore chills last night, no sleep, and current desperation for cigs. Thus, morning writing. Or attempt at writing.

Uhm, right, so after womens studies, the brit came to chill with me in my room cause we got pizza and I wanted to steal movies from him. However, because theres this guy who's interested in him, he wasn't going to stay long, they had been planning to hang out. But the new love interest (NLI) ended coming to chill with us in my room, and then, I don't know why, or how he knew we were all hanging out in my room, but my other gay friend, brit's ex bf, also came and joined us. So it was me and 3 gay guys, and my friend who we're all pretty sure to be gay. It was alot of fun and all, but they were alot to handle. Very, energetic. And highly entertaining. We danced for a while, and I use the term "dance" loosely, it was more them rubbing against me and abusing me *sigh*, lol, but it was entertaining, and fairly intriguing. I mean, I'd not had much exposure to the queer community before uni started, I mean, I considered myself bi, but it didn't mean much. Suddenly, I'm taking womens studies and queer film course. It's alot to absorb. But yeah, I'd had like, 1 or 2 gay friends through highschool, and last night, when I started thinking about it, it was like I was suddenly enlightened. I'm not going to go into detail about that, mainly because I don't know how to explain what I mean, and even if I did, I fear I'd say it wrong.

Anywho, after all the dancing, we decided to chill around, talk, and then later played pool till 4 am, and then decided to watch Moulin Rouge, because one of them hadn't seen it and apparently you can't call yourself gay if there are certain movies you haven't seen.

Ended up going to bed at 7 am, and got all of maybe 4 hours of sleep? And now I want to go shower and go get my smokes.

So tata for now XD.

Blood Market, Love Market

Love will be the death of me
Love is so fickle
Cause it starts with a flood
And it ends with a tr-tr-tr-tr-tr-tr-tr-tr-tr-trickle

Isn't Regina Spektor the greatest? *Sigh* lovee.

Uhm, nothing new and exciting to report, just, as I was walking to class today, Regina was serenading me through my earphones and these lyrics in particular really stuck with me.

Wizard Swears

We're saying magical naughty words!

My grandmother forbids me from using raunchy language.

Well you're grandmother is a blast ended skank!

He doesn't mean it Neville, he's just trying out wizard swears.

I mean every word I ever say, ever, because I'm Harry Potter.

Dumbledore, you're obscenely old, right?

Why yes.
Well do you know any super ancient, lost to the ages, archaic, olden time wizard swears?

There is one, the Elder Swear.

Your mother is a beep beep beep ing beep lora nimson beep beep agnitem verium beep beep beep tragula beep beep beep beep beep beep hippopotamus beep beep beep beep beep beep republican beep beep beep and Danial Radcliff beep beep beep beep with a bucket of beep beep beep beep beep in a castle far far away where no one can hear you beep beep beep beep beep soup beep beep beep with a bucket of beep beep mickey mouse beep beep and a stick of dynamite beep beep beep beep beep magical beep beep beep beep beep alakazam!

Woooow.

Anyone Up For Some Cult?

I'm slightly considered that my roommate may be part of some cult, or that she may be some religious extremist. She's on the phone with her.. friend? (not sure who it is) and is currently saying something about a land mine being planted somewhere, and how she has to put herself in the middle of the game. Apparently theres some big scandal or something between her and this church, and her mum is all "emotionally disturbed", and keeps mentioning the dignity of her family, and that of the church, and I have no idea what is going on. She wants to know the truth, and needs to be on the side of God and Truth.

I'm not even exaggerating, these words are coming out of her mouth as a type them.

Honest, I don't want to insult her, or mock her or anything, but I'm genuinely concerned.

"Women's Studies Notes"

My Brit friend decided to join me to my WS class one day. It was really great and we spent the entire class joking around and feeling utterly fascinated, while also making really "bad" feminist jokes as his "notes". He decided to put these on FB, and tagged me in them. I started getting all the really nasty "WSs is a joke" comments, and started to get pissed. This lead to me commenting, and then getting into a "fight" with this girl who was being kinda bitchy about the matter. Ottawaian blondie and my other friend started being mean to bitchy girl in my defense. My brit friend noticed what was going on and decided to give this incredible little speech. I had to share it: (I've replaced names :))

So I've noticed that this picture has increasingly become a flame thread, so I would like to address some issues that have obviously arisen.

Let's start off with the Women Studies course itself. While often times women studies is the brunt of many jokes, the course itself is a wonderful course. It is not merely a room full of whiny feminist, but a course that brings together aspects of psychology, philosophy, history and much more, and looks at it in the view of the female society. It also emphasizes critical thinking skills, so that one can look at something and analyze the consequences behind it. Does this picture objectify women? Does this statement imply that men lead better lives than women? ETC. While at times the course can seem stupid, and full of bullshit to outsiders, that's only because we aren't actively participating in the class. We aren't seeing the world the way those in the class are. We see whining, they see highlighting of important social issues.

Now, onto the comments made on this picture. Comments made by "bitchy girl" were only meant in a joking manner. "Bitchy girl" and I often have such conversations, taking on the role of underpowered women, complaining about how the men bring us down. These comments can be viewed as detrimental to the feminist movement, so I can see why people would take offense to them. Also, "Bitchy girl" , your response to (me), while jovial in manner, was not appropriate. It's OK for us to joke around, as we know each other values and beliefs. You know nothing of (my) values though. (Me) constantly puts up with anti-female jokes, and while she bears it in good grace, it does accumulate, and it does make her mad.

"Blondie and my friend", I found your comments to be very immature, and not a very effective way to deal with the topic at hand. "Bitchy girl" is entitled to her opinions. If she actually held values such as subservience to men high, then you would have no right to criticize her. Because isn't that what the feminist movement is about? Equal rights for all women, whatever their values be? They should be allowed to do whatever they please.

(Me), you dealt with this whole thread quite well, apart from the one quip to "Bitchy girl" . There isn't much i can say about you. So I won't...

We can all joke about feminism, and make hairy armpit comments and such, but we should not forgot the strives that feminism has accomplished. 90 years ago, women were not capable of voting in Canada. Look now. Data from the UK shows that women often outnumber men voters. In the 1950's 1/5 women were in the labour force. Now, that number has risen to 3/5, a significant boost. Great strives have been made, so let us not forget them

I have decided to delete all comments that could be considered sexist, or were flame comments. If more flame/overtly sexist comments turn up, I will delete this picture.

Thank you for your time

Top Ten Suicide Destination Sites

Suicide may be a "permanent solution to a temporary situation", but sometimes it feels like the only situation. No, I'm not thinking about it again, but it does bug me when people think they understand something like that. It's not a cry for attention, it 's not completely stupid, unfortunately, it's sometimes a persons last desperate attempt at normalcy or reality, or whatever it is that person needs.

Anywho.

Ginger visited this weekend. We went to the masquerave, which I wasn't drunk enough to thoroughly enjoy, and which was kinda a huge blow to my already non-existent self esteem. However I'm not really in the mood to relive that. So I'll talk about the rest of the weekend.

Uhm, right, we went to the masquerave, got split up from our huge group, and headed back to res at 2ish. When we (ginger and myself) got back, we decided to watch Hercules while slowly falling asleep in my bed. Unfortunately, we were totally passed out by the time Hercules finished rescuing Meg for the first time. Meh. On saturday, we decided that it'd be cool for us to go to Guelph for a night too. So we quickly bought tickets and made it to Guelph by 7ish. Had dinner and went out to party. We had no alcohomahals, so we got high instead and went to these random party things at her friends' places. Twas fun enough. Plus, I made it back home without much drama or difficulty, and bought these really awesome earrings on our way to the bus stop. We were walking towards the bus stop and walked into this awesome looking hippie shop. Found exciting earrings, met an awesome saleslady who asked to use my lighter and then bummed me a couple smokes. I was quite fond of her.

Uhm, what else?

Ooh, I was thinking while I was on the bus back to school that if I were to be an insect, I'd probably be a lady bug. Mainly because they're pretty, but no one considers them beautiful next to a butterfly, and most people fear that they may be highly poisonous. I dunno, it made sense in my head.

Schools pretty alright, there might be a snow day tomorrow. I'm thinking of skipping my classes tomorrow either way because I need to get some assignments done. Yes, I do realize that the fact that I need to do assignments and am instead writing on here is clearly not very responsible, but I feel like I write best when I should be doing works.

LOL, I had a lot of fun having a FB war with Ginger. She'd remembered my password from when we were in elementary school, and managed to get onto my FB and change my status to silly shits about tits and penises. Or something like that. So, I tried to get on her FB, but couldn't figure out her password, but remembered her hotmail password and was able to change her FB password thus. I then proceeded to write silly shits on her FB and changed her gender to be male. Her friend started talking to her and I told them that it wasn't her, and a friendship has blossomed between us. He's pretty cool and we spent the first night talking till 4 in the morning. It was highly entertaining.

ACH, the greatest thing in the world right now is this cupcake scented air freshener. I've been spraying this stuff everywhere. SO GOOD. I figured it was a good substitute for washing my sheets this week :D