Rawr.
Kay, anywho. While I'm here, might as well jot down my most recent (idiotic) exploits. To begin with, I slept with my friends brother. While he was visiting her for her birthday. Stupid. Actually, it wasn't so "pretty" as "slept with". It was more just.. fucked. Plus, afterwards, as I slowly sobered up, I met this guy D who I got to talking with. We decided to get high and watch Across The Universe, but ended up sleeping together instead. This time it was actually more.. romantic? And we, very cutely, walked to his room sneaking kisses and then undressing etc etc. And then the next night, I, once again, got fairly intoxicated, joined my friend in trying to convince this guy into a threesome with us. He was too drunk and actually turned us down, which was weird, but lead to my first actual lesbian experience.
Moving on, I had a little mini breakdown.. yesterday? I think, can't remember. I just started crying randomly because I'm getting tired of him not noticing me. Or not noticing that I've been hitting on him since... dunno when, actually. Been a little while now. Ugh. I suppose it's stupid for me to be mad at him for it, he hasn't actually done anything wrong, other than be oblivious. Whatever, maybe I'll just try to forget about it.
Key word there: try.
Uhm, what else?? Schools being a bitch, so much work to do, and I'm already freaking out about the exams we've got coming up. I'm kinda scared that I'm going to become part of the statistics of people who fail out of university in their first year. And I really don't want that to happen. I suddenly have this new life, and I don't know how I'd be able to give it up. It'd be next to impossible trying to get reused to living at home again. BLARG. Don't think like that. It's stupid, I can definitely get through university. I can live my own life.
But then I start thinking about it and wonder why. What exactly is the purpose of this? We spend a shit ton of money, time and effort into getting a university degree, and then spend a good chunk of our lives trying to pay off that debt.
Kay, really getting tired of this. I mean, he's even jokingly mentioned that I've got a crush on him, there's no way he doesn't know.
Granted, that could be/is probably just him mocking me, as many people tend to do, not sure why, think I'm just an easy target. Meh, doesn't bother me much, just annoyed that he can't see what's under his nose.
I know the girl I slept with (I don't have a nickname for her yet) is probably wrong, but I can't help thinking about what she'd said, that I'm the kind of girl to change for a guy. Maybe she's right? All I had said was that I need to stop dressing so sloppily, that I should put some effort in looking presentable. That's not really "changing" per say, right?
Lol, I'm so good at rambling about bullcrap here, but as soon as it's for my essay, nothing. Figures.
Looking at what I wrote so far, I'm kinda surprised, I didn't know I had this much to let out. Weird.
What elseeee? My ottowaian friends (shut up, I know how wrong that looks, I just don't care right now) are really great, I love having them around, they just help and I feel so comfortable talking to them. Everyone on our floor really, I know I said that I thought we might all just hate each other, but I've kinda started looking at us more as this weird huge family. Like all our homework parties are just family time, you know?
In regards to telling people everything, it appears I'm really good at it. I've been telling this guy everything, and I don't know why, it's so stupid, it's not like he's gonna suddenly be interested in me if he know's I'm a huge slut.
Is it bad that I refer to myself as a slut? I mean, I don't necessarily see it as a derogatory term, it's more of an observation. And in terms of observing, it's the closest fit. No?
Hmmmmm, rightt. Roommate. I swear, this girl is driving me up the wall. I know I was saying how I love her and all, and I do, I have to if I'm going to live with her, but she's just so... she never leaves the room, the windows always open (and it's fucking winter). WTF? She'll sit at her desk, all fucking day, wearing a fucking winter jacket, windows open, lights out, phone on. Non stop. Either the girl is on the phone talking to one of her friends about some stupid drama she thinks she's going through, something about a stalker she thinks she has, dunno exactly.
There was a shitload else I'd had written, but my internet sucks and refused to save what I'd had down. I'm pretty sure it was mainly the thing about the e-mail my ex sent me, about all the things he dislikes about me, or the way I behave, or something else along those lines, but having already typed that out once, I don't really have the strength in me to re-type it. Plus, I feel really bad cause I'm in my friend's room, cause I dislike mine, and I'm pretty sure he wants to sleep. Besides, I'm tired, so goodnight, and hopefully I'll get a chance to write more soontimes.
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