Blissfully Blank

Just a few lyrics and stray thoughts right now. I had this song stuck in my head the majority of the day today, so I thought I'd share:

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm begging you to beg me.
And so on and so on.

Those are really the only lines I had stuck in my head, and also the only lines that are particularly worth repeating.

Asides from those wise words, I thought I'd also type out some of the things I've found in my notebook.
Little girl points at Gryphon Mascot "That birdy can't fly!"
"No, sweetheart, he's grounded."

I change my mind. I do have stuff to write about. I’m so tired of this. I can’t stand it anymore. I’m going crazy, losing my mind. I don’t know what to do anymore. Anything looks more promising than this. I hate hating them, and I hate dealing with them, and I just don’t want to anymore. Except, it’s so much more than that. It’s not that I don’t want to deal with them, it’s that I can’t. I’m not kidding when I say I’m losing my mind. I mean, it can’t possibly be normal for a teenage girl to cry this much. It’s definitely not the “sane” way of handling oneself.
Without a word of a lie, I think I’m actually looking forward to seeing the rapist this week. Maybe she’ll have something useful to tell me, or help me find (as the rapists often do). Even if this week’s session isn’t beneficial, I can’t help but think that her office in itself is calming and pleasant. All the optical illusions she’s got hanging about, it feels.. pleasant, I suppose.
Moving on, I worry I’ve got attachment issues. As soon as I find myself caring for someone, I find myself also obsessing over them. Just today, I was in the worst mood just because he was late. Granted, I was only upset because I thought he wasn’t coming, but still. My mood shouldn’t be so easily dictated to me. It’s not right.
Uhm, what else?

Oh, hah. The jealous hookup guy was talking to me yesterday. Randomly messaged me on FB asking if I’d be interested in hooking up like before. So I asked “Haven’t you heard about me and him?”, to which he replied “I knew he was dating, just didn’t know it was you.” He then proceeds to pretty much guilt trip me for being in a relationship after having told him I wasn’t looking for one. Apparently, I’m really bad at reading people, and how they feel about me, because he then said “I just want you to know that I have and always will care about you”. Uhm, I’m not sure as to the exact wording. He may have said “care”, but I think he actually said “love”. Can’t remember. I do know that he definitely did say he loved me. I really didn’t know how to reply to that. Again, it seems I’ve just got the worst luck in these regards.

Mmm, this is such a great song: Fast Car by Tracy Chapman.
This song makes me cry.

What else? Hahahaha, I keep having this image in my head of him driving me to my shrinking this week. How awesome would it be having your boyfriend take you to see your shrink. I think it’d be awesome. Speaking of him, he thinks I’m weird for not liking acetone. Then again, I’m quite certain there are NUMEROUS other things about me he finds weird.
I’m gonna stop going on and on about him, and continue with what I was originally writing, the stuff I found in my notebook. Then, if I have the patience to type it out, I’ll tell you the story behind this guy who’s mad at me cause he thinks I’ve hurt his friend.
Lol, kay, so I just found this ridiculous schpewl in my notebook, just me ranting about semi philosophical concepts. I’m not gonna write it out though, it’s way too long, and not that interesting anyways. Mainly just me writing for the sake of writing.

OH, one more thing, before I forget. The assholes are contemplating pushing the internet curfew back to 9. I swear, it’s like they just WANT me to fail out of school and loose all my acceptances. *Tear*

I’m considering typing up the stuff I wrote in my notebook the day I got upset with him. I dunno, I think it might be best left on the paper. The one thing I WILL write from my notebook, though, is this:
Lol, random thought. When washing my face, I like washing only half the soap off, cause then t looks like I’ve got a great white beard. And, for that minute, I pretend like I’m old and wise. But then I realize that it’s just a foam beard and I feel young and silly again, and then I laugh.