Hahaha, no, it's not, but how awesome would it be if it were?
Uhm, I'm feeling...
Conflicted?
Frustrated?
Confused?
Hurt?
Bored?
Tired of the same old thing?
Dealing with the same old thing?
Maybe even a little bit angry.
When will guys realize that they don't have to hurt the people who care about them. They don't have to plant these ridiculous seeds of doubt everywhere. They don't have to pretend like they don't care. They're allowed to feel genuine emotion, they're allowed to care about people, and actually let that person know.
Thing is, part of me doesn't actually care if I do doubt, just because I feel like, I'm helping him out, aren't I? Us being together, makes him feel better about himself, gives him a little bit of happiness. And if nothing else, I'm giving him something physically (or so I'd assume, seeing as he seems to enjoy certain things I do). Plus, just the fact that he thinks he's helping me by making me happy, that's also fairly therapeutic. None of this is to say I don't care for him, or I don't want to be with him. Oh nonononono. It's just, I have that feeling, where you know you're gonna get hurt. And I just feel like I should look at the situation before it happens. Cause, I feel almost certain, that whether he knows it yet or not, I'm gonna get hurt. Probably sooner then later.
I'm OK with that too. I can accept it, and deal with it when it comes my way (I've done it before, right? No big deal.)
Oh, I'm so bad at lying to myself :(
I don't want to click the "Post" button for this post. I don't know if I want him to read this, or know this. I'm almost certain he'll take it the wrong way. Which I suppose is why I'm writing it here rather than throwing it at his face (in the off chance that he won't read it).
Mm, and I really need to get over my self-esteem/confidence issues. It's really doing me absolutely no good.
Also, just thought I'd mention the beautiful day I had today, with rain, no school, and a feeble attempt at puzzle making. Fun stuff XD.
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