Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I hate myself soo much right now. Like, honestly, way to go. Way to totally be a bitch and ignore the constant thing inside you telling you that he wants to wait.
Yeah. Nice going.
Moron.
Right, so, uhmm.. I feel really bad. I was under the impression that my boyfriend was reallly.. in control of himself. And was capable of stopping himself where he wanted to stop. So I figured that, being myself (thus not particularly attractive) there was no harm in me stupidly being very.. open. Couldn't think of a better word. Baisically, I've been, like, forcing? Or pushing? Or insisiting.. that we go further. Even if I don't actually say anything, I still do things that push forward our physical relationship.
For example, he was at my house last night, and my mom called us down to dinner, and told us to wash our hands. While he was busy washing his hands, I decided to go up behind him and slip my hands down the front of his pants.
We ended up taking that a bit further, but we shouldn't have. I shouldn't have, because he didn't want to have done so.
I actually was ranting about this to my best friend today.
She called me a whore.
And told me to cool down.
She was kidding, of course, but I feel like she's right.
I've been acting like a whore.
Ugh.
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