Are There Good People?

A some day will come,

a sun day, a one day.

A day full of fortune and so-

the earth will inhibit

the meek will prohibit

and all that is prosper shall flow.

Though from the tips and the grips of the few

who hold onto the dreams they did sew,

their future permit it

their mother forgives it,

so long as the fortune does grow.

Secret Non-Denominational Gift Giving, Anyone?

Wow, it's been almost a week. Kinda disappointed with myself. Granted, it has been exam time, and I've actually been studying. Kind of. I've got two down, and one to go, and I'm not looking forward to it. My final exam is Drama, and that was most definitely my worst class. It'd be ok if there was actual acting in it, but noooo. Throughout the entire class, all we did was look at plays, discuss the history of certain dramatic forms and some other stuff that I don't really remember. Mainly because SHE NEVER TAUGHT IT TO US. I'm actually basing my analysis of what we learned in the class on what it says in the syllabus. In all of the drama classes I actually attended, not once did she teach us anything. She'd talk at us, but no one learnt anything. Meh, I'm not gonna complain. I'm almost done, and I've looked at my drama marks and I figure that so long as I pass this exam, I'll do fine. And thats all that really matters.

Moving on, today's my sisters birthday. She's officially 15 and I feel so bad for not being able to be with her for her birthday. I really do miss her. But I've promised to take her out for dinner when I get back, plus I got her a couple gifts I think she might like.

On a more serious note, it kinda feels like I'm disconnecting from my new friends. It's like me and ginger all over again. Like, sure, we love(d?) each other, but she didn't really care about me. And I focused too much on her. She became my best friend, and that really mattered to me, and was kinda my downfall because she was the best friend. I was still friends with other people, but moreso through her than on my own. This is making me a little bit scared, because I feel like I might be doing the same with blondie. The concern being that I'm not quite that high up on her list. Or even if I am, she's still got a good number of people before me. Of course, it's not like I'm mad or jealous that she's got other friends, just concerned for the position I've put myself in. As I tend to put myself in. Plus, I'm not too excited by the boyfriend, he reallllyyy gets on my nerves sometimes. Granted, she does tell me about him all the time, and generally complains about him to me, so my current theory is that (part) of the reason I dislike him is due to the fact that the majority of what I know of their relationship is the negative stuff. I'm sure she's told me some of the positives too, but I think its gotten to the point where that stuff doesn't matter and I only see him as the overly sexual, highly oblivious, and utterly ignorant boyfriend. Wait, ignorant and oblivious are synonymous, aren't they. Meh, you get the point.

*Sigh*

I feel bad for her. He's really difficult sometimes.

Haha, the brit is super cute with his gf. I love it. They're adorable. Sure, they were going through their rough patches, but they seem to have figured it out.

And I am still desperately in search of a man. Or woman. But most likely man. Speaking of, the don from the other floor is really really cute. And I think he's noticed me. *Smile*

Just A Stranger On A Bus

"I don't know why you took it so seriously, it was just a joke."

No, it wasn't.

Or even if it was, I'm tired of it. All jokes get old eventually, and this is one of them. "Make me a sammich"? "Can you girls come clean up our place sometimes? Like once a week?" All your stupid sexist jokes are really getting on my nerves, and I'm getting tired of hearing them. The worst part is that you only make them at me, because you know I'm in a women's studies course. I mean, how uncalled for is that?

Ugh.

Just.

Ugh.

And then laughing at me for getting MAD?!?!

ANDD afterwards, you insensitive son of a bitch, you come out for a fucking smoke with me and write "M+S=(HEART)" in the snow?

FUCK OFFFF.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE.

You can't just ignore me, and then be the first to compliment my new haircut, or laugh at me and then turn around and talk about flirting. I GIVE UP.

Sweet Grandmother's Spatula

I can't believe I just did that. I'm kind of proud of myself. It was a lot harder than I expected, to spit out, that is, but after it was said, and the wait for his response was over, it was all easily sailing. I kinda wish he felt the same, but I'm glad we're friends none the less. He did say some super sweet things, like, you're special, you seem smart, you're fun, you're a cute girl with a very cute laugh and smile, and we relate well. Doesn't mean he's interested in me, but it does make me happy anyways. Plus, he's promised it won't get awkward between us.

And I believe him.

But Baby It's Cold Outside

Ok, so this is really hard for me, because I'm not a particularly confident person. But I need to tell you this before I screw up again. Basically, I have feelings for you, and I want to know how you feel about me. I need to tell you because last time, when I didn't tell the guy, I ended up hating myself and, eventually, him. I don't want this to happen again, but I feel like if I tell you, it may make things awkward between us. Not to mention, I'm practically positive your roommate has a thing for me. I wouldn't want to ruin your friendship with him over this, but I can't help it. I don't like him in that way, but I feel like I do, for you. Thing is, I don't have the balls to tell you this in person, and yes, I do know that you are unaware of the existence of this blog. I'm sure I'll eventually find the courage to send you this in an e-mail, or Facebook message or something eventually, but I don't want to wait that long. Basically, I'm hoping you'll figure all this out on your own and save me the trouble of having to explain it to you, but either way, I'm determined that you shall know.

Santa Can You Hear Me?

I have been so.. yes, I know the next word is "good", but I feel I can't really say that while keeping my conscience clear. However, I can say that I've been trying. Trying to be me, trying to find out who I am, especially of late. And by late, I think I mean my entire life. That, I can say honestly. Granted, that's not really saying much in terms of morality and overall "goodness", but it's all I've got at this point in time.

What's bothering me right now is people. Yes, I do realize what a common topic that is here, but I can't help it. They're such curious beings. Actually, last time I was by the lake, I had some really serious thoughts on the matter. I realized that we as people only are. We don't do. Everything around us does, does exist, does something. Take me for example, I don't think I've ever affected anyone's life, done anything of importance, changed the course of nature. No one needs me, no one depends on me, nothing would change without me. In short, were I never born, nothing would be any different. This is a fact. It isn't a fact that would throw me to suicide, or cause me to do something irrational, it's just a fact. And fact is, that most people are in the same boat. And yet, we continue existing. Not doing, just existing.

We find trivial things and magnify them until they are the sole purpose of our existence, like relationships and schoolwork. Guaranteed, those are the only things on the minds of the majority of the students at this school right now. And then we get older, and suddenly we have more important things to deal with, like work and relationships. Things that kids would never understand the stress of. Of course.

None of this is even remotely close to the thoughts I had by the lake, but because I can't really remember those, I'm just writing for the sake of writing. And because I can't sleep.

Ugh, I've been so irresponsible. I keep telling myself I'll start studying for my exams and I just don't. There are all these distractions and more important things that keep me from being productive. I really need to try to get my sleep in order. I swear, I am going to wake up before 10 tomorrow, and do real work. It will happen. I am determined.

If I Ever See Your Face Again

You know what I want?

It's simple, really.

All I want, is someone I can slow dance with.

Someone who thinks I'm the only one in the world.

Who'll see me and smile.

Simple, right?

On the plus side, a bunch of us went out to dance tonight, and I didn't leave with anyone. Or hook up with anyone.

Aren't you proud of mee?

Who Has My Soybeans?

Melancholy.

Tired.

Frustrated.

Confused.

Conflicted.

Quiet.

Not everyone else, of course, nononono, they're too cool to ever have quiet days. Thats just me. Just the occasional off day, where you just can't sum up the effort to keep up with everyone else's energy. It's 12:30, Friday night, I'm sober (shocking, I know) and just in no mood to partake in their screaming. They're playing this game called "Pits" where you yell numbers really loud and hope someone else is yelling the same number so you can trade cards with them. Or something like that. Don't really get the game. I think it's kinda like old Maid too, (it's a card game) and just like in Old Maid, you're trying to get rid of the (bear/Old Maid).

On another (highly repetitive note) I quit. I don't care for him anymore. I refuse to be treated like nothing. He can't just throw silly comments my way and then not talk to me at all. It's not fair. Of course, by silly comments I refer to those where he "flirts" with me. But not actually flirting, just saying pretty words to me, same way he does to everyone else. I hope this post is coherent. My head is actually throbbing and nothing is really making sense to me.

Tee hee, I just stole Blondie's Dec 3. chocolate, but shhhhhh, don't tell her ;)

But yeah, it just, hurts. I hate talking about this, and I hate myself for actually writing it on here, but I can't help it. I don't care if I'm being a whiny teenage girl, it really does hurt when he ignores me. And I'm tired of it. What else am I supposed to do? I walked in his room in a fucking corset and mini skirt, asking him what he thought (me and blondie were trying on outfits for tomorrow nights dance). He looked up for like, a second, and turned back to his game with out a word. And then! Ugh, guys! His roommate asked me if I was going for the slut look, and blondie's boyfriend would only say "not bad". I mean, really? Would it kill them to just pretend to be nice? To not crush the little self esteem a girl might have. Do you know how much courage it took to even try that skirt on? I knew I was too bulky to wear it right, and that it wouldn't look as good on me as on some skinny chick, but "not bad"? It's not like it takes any fucking effort to compliment a girl. Or notice her. UGH.

I'm in a fight with my mom too right now. I told her I was going to go on Birth Control, and she asked if I was sexually active (or course not), so she asked why I needed it. I told her my periods been weird and I've been having really bad cramps and whatnot and she just yelled at me for not doing my research, for not checking out the risks of using BC (which I did) and for making stupid decisions. I swear, that woman has never agreed with any of the choices I make, and then yells at me for not seeing her point of view. Worst part is, I actually do need BC as BC, and so the all natural period assisting pills that she is suggesting I take are kinda useless to me.

Uhm, what else??

Ooh, I bought Christmas gifts today. Got my sister a sweater and a pajama set, a matching pajama set for my mom and a pair of legit shoes for daddy. My moms pj set has cupcakes on it. I love it cause it's so funny imagining her, the most sensible, no-nonsense woman I know, wearing pink cupcake covered pj's.

Don't know if I've mentioned this before or not, but the guy from my woman's studies class has been hitting on me lately. Not particularly interested in him, he's not really my "type". Granted, the past guys who where my "type" didn't really work out that well, so that's not saying much.

Meh (the last one hated when I said "meh". He said it represented a lack of interest, or something along those lines), I'm thinking of swearing off boys. Just, stop thinking about them for a little while. I bet it would make life easier.

In one of our last womens studies lectures we were talking about body image and the media portrayed body ideal. About how food has become almost forbidden and how fat people are considered to have no self control or morality. I felt like crap about myself the entire time. Everything we talked about or read, I could relate to. I knew what it was like to feel bad for eating. I knew what it felt like to convince yourself that you weren't going to eat anymore. What it feels like to shove your finger down your throat and watch all the food you shoved down come back up.

I sometimes think that I know what too many things feel like. Like I've experienced too many things. Too many negative things. No, I'm not regretting, just sadly observing.

I hate how dependent I am on things, on people. How I latch on to someone and they become my focus. The only thing I think about or try to make sense of. They become my.. I don't know. They become too important. In my mind.

Uhm, to anyone reading, I apologize for the obvious lack of enthusiasm in tonight's post.

This Is A Great Joke

Leave me alone, I'm not keeping this up, but my blog is my space, I'm not going to stop posting my thoughts on here in fear of you retaliating. I don't care, I get it, you have a mood disorder, fine, that's great. I apologize for having cared about you. My mistake, now leave me the fuck alone.

I wasn't gonna reply to him, and I didn't mean for that to be a reply either, but I'm tired, and I don't want to deal with this anymore. I don't think I actually explained the problem yet, did I?

Uhm, hmm. Kay, this is the end of the conversation we had before all this happened. I skipped to the part where he said he thought our relationship was a joke. "He" being the most recent ex.

He says:

I just feel like our whole relationship was a joke

I say:

gee, thanks

really, thank you

He says:

well come on

I say:

I'm glad it was a joke to you

He says:

look at how you've been acting since you've got to waterloo

how am I supposed to feel

I say:

how I've been acting?

He says:

you know what I mean

I say:

no, I don't know what you mean

He says:

so when are you expecting? :)

I say:

fuck you

He says:

you had your chance

I say:

you think it was a joke because I never slept with you?

He says:

no

but that you've slept with everyone BUT me

I say:

then what does it have to do with anytihng?

He says:

^

I say:

I've never had sex with a boyfriend

they were always too important to me

He says:

yeah, usually it's supposed to go that way

I say:

sex was never important

He says:

yeah

I've noticed

fuck me

I say:

good for you

He says:

it's why polygamy is popular these days

and divorce rates are higher than ever before

I say:

no, you idiot, if you're gonna read my blog, at least do it right

He says:

people don't give a fuck about themselves

like myself

goodnight

After this conversation, he abruptly signed out in order to prevent me from saying anything else. So, naturally I got mad/angry/sad/frustrated (the "bad" emotions that people feel- in his response note, he told me how he's jealous of people for feeling emotions, even the "bad" ones) and posted on here. Seeing this, because he apparently still needs to know my thoughts and actions, he replied to what I wrote by posting a note on facebook. Really? I mean, honestly? All it really was was him ranting about how he's got a mood disorder (yes, we've got it, you've drilled it into us all- you are no longer human, you've have practically turned into "a thing". All anyone sees when they look at you is a "mood disorder") and how he wants me to live my life to it's fullest, appreciate all I have, and "stop acting like I know him", the entire time pretending to know me. Pretending to understand what my life has been like. Pretending to know me. Granted, this is not to say that my life has been hard, I know that. I know I've been given an easy life. I know I made things difficult with my parents, but these are my issues. How can he say that I don't appreciate what I have? How can he say that he wants me to live my life to the fullest when all he's been doing is knock me down?

Ugh. No, I'm done with this.

Just, leave me alone?

Please?

Let's Get Physical, Physical!

I went to the doctors today. As it turns out, I'm not pregnant. For now.

They actually said that. They tested my pee, and told me that from what they could tell, I wasn't pregnant, but that they couldn't be sure until the 5th week. Whatever, it's good enough for me. The trip to and at the doctors was.. interesting. It was like a little mini adventure. I was crazy nervous on my way there, and was walking my roommate to the office too (she's got a cold). So we get there and have to part ways, as they send me to Dr. S. Waiting outside the doctor's door, I think how weird it is going to the doctors on my own for the first time. Well, maybe not first, but like, second. But yeah, he calls me in and starts asking all these questions. Do you smoke? Drugs? Alcohol? How many sexual partners? How long have you been with your current partner? What's your family's history of illness? Etc.

That went on for a while, then he told me about the risks of birth control, and how there was a risk, but it was less than the risk of dying from pregnancy. -Weird-. He finally told me that I'd need to get a physical before he can give me the pills. Fuck. I've never had a full physical. I am fucking scared. Ugh. Just, ughhhh. It's gonna be so weird. AND it's scheduled for 9 in the morning before my final English class. Ewww.

*Sigh* Luckily, blondie's been supporting me, she came with me to make my first appointment, and met up with me after my testing. But I still can't help but freak out. Whatever, at least I'm not pregnant.

For now.

I don't think I've got much else to say. Uhm.

No, I shouldn't anyways, I've got an assignment to do and I keep putting it off. Lol, like last night, I was sitting around trying to do it and ended up watching "Meet the Robinsons" (a super cute disney movie. At least I think it's disney). Kay, see, no, time to go.

Bai!

Fuck You

You really need to grow up. Not everything is about you, people aren't always doing things specifically to hurt you. My actions here have nothing to do with you. Call it selfish, but I need that comfort, I need some one to want to be with me. So hate me for it if you will, but our relationship wasn't a joke. You mattered to me. You want sex? Fine, come up and visit. I'll fuck you too.

I'm sure that will "validate" our relationship.

You're such a dick.

I can't believe how much I cared about you.

The Dairymaids Office

some people sit around- pretending

some people know they know- the truth

some people might even say- they're flying

some people think it's all, bad news.

but when you're sick and tired- of waiting

just look to the sky- for proof

the weather is just about- a changing,

something new, is blowing in

the streets aligned with little people- waiting

for what, they know- not

unless

they're one of the few

who know- they knew

the truth

Madness May Meet Medieval Magic

Tee hee, alliteration truly does float my boat. It gets me off, you know?

Lol, I'm in a really good mood and I don't know why. Well, I suppose I do know why, but there are multiple reasons for it. Basically, ginger came to visit, and we spent Saturday night together, reminiscing a bit, getting really drunk, talking, etc. Then my floor mate offered us weed and we're like, sure, why not? And got fucked (thankfully not literally, I've been doing that too much) out of our minds, and visited her friend who goes to Laurier, but he and his friends were really stupid (due to bad intoxication) and I wasn't pleased. I dragged her away from it with mutters of "I don't like this" and we finally left them. Got back to my residence, talked with people, played smash brothers (?[the video game thing]), and came back to my room, where we attempted to watch Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, but we weren't sober enough to enjoy it and so instead fell asleep. Hahah, it was fun. Oh, and she found out about my blog. Cause it's in my favorites bar, and she was on the laptop and saw it and was all like "When'd you start blogging? I can't believe you never told me!"... I didn't mean to hide it from her, I just didn't think she'd be interested, you know?

Oh well.

Uhm, right, I was saying why I'm in such a good mood. So, right, there was her visiting, there was blondie giving everyone copies of the pictures she's printed off, she gave him a picture of me, him and crippled ginger in this cute hug thingy, even better? He's already put the picture up on his wall. *Sigh* Anndddd, he bought this sweater because I told him it looked good on him! Oh gosh, I am actually the most pathetic person I know. I don't even feel like being all happy now.

But I will continue listing all the reasons I was in a good mood. So there were those two, and then the fact that blondie gave me awesome pictures of all of us for me to put up on my floor, including a matching one of his :P and this great one of me and her, and the floor meeting, which made me happy too. We all gathered around and discussed important issues

Ooh, before I forget, last night, theres one specific detail that entertained me to no end. When we were going into my residence building, there was this group of guys outside the door asking for condoms. As we pass, the first ask ginger, and shes sympathetically says no. They look at me, about to ask and I wave it off, telling them not to even bother asking. As soon as I say this, they all burst out laughing, and joking to each other that it must mean "she doesn't get railed a lot, eh?!".

First of all, I can quite frankly guarantee that, considering their appearances and personalities, I have had more condom-requiring situations than they have.
Second of all, what moron actually thinks that a girl would be insulted by a comment like that? Do they really think that a comment like that will get them what they want? I mean, really?

Meh, back to the floor meeting. We were talking about important issues like secret Santa (which had to be called "secret holiday gift giving" to make it politically correct), chipping in for a "holiday" gift for our floor mom, and the quiet hour schedule for exam month. Oh shit, exams are coming up soon. Fuck.

Should probably start studying for those, huh?

Let There Be Snow

the ground is white

the trees are bare

the wind is blowing

everywhere

people scuttle

back and forth

no one stops

to watch the snow

the birds have flown

the warmth has gone

and yet the earth

has still to set

a final temperature

for us to feel

as winter floats

among our fields

the flowers hide

the breezes blow

but breezes not

are what we feel

footsteps mark

the canvas bare

for our marks to make

on paper fair

as white as snow

for snow is what

the skies have poured

onto our streets

and schools

and roads

people scuttle

back and forth

but no one

stops

to watch

the snow

Meh, not my best work, but I was inspired. Winter has finally come, and this time we know it's for sure, theres snow everywhere. It's absolutely beautiful. I went out for a smoke in the snow, and these guys come out. One of them walks up to me, and offers me a chip from his bag of Doritos. We laugh and talk for a minute, and then he rushes off to catch up with his friends. I enjoyed it, I felt special. Noticed, you know?

Gingers coming to visit tomorrow, we're gonna have some fun times. I haven't seen her in far too long. I miss her, but I'm a little bit scared that he is going to think she's prettier than me (she is), cooler than me (she is), or smarter than me (she isn't). I guess I know this is stupid, but I can't help it, I can't forget that every time we go out together, she is the focus of every one's attention. After all, who doesn't find a redhead more interesting than the rest of us common folk.

I'm scared I'm pregnant. I think I said this in my last post, but I can't shake the feeling. Planning on going to the doctors on Monday to get onto the pill.

Erm, what else? Uhmmmm. Two guys just ran past my window without shirts on. It's 2;30 in the AM and it's freezing cold outside. WEIRD.

Then again, that is university life for you.

Kay, well, due to the fact that I know not what else to say, and because I've offered my room to blondie and her boyfriend (there are drunkards past out in her bed) I shall ends this here and attempt to write more (for I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention stuff now) at a later date.

Goodnight all.

Not Fond of Homophobes

I had some really weird sex last night. My friend called me at 10 last night saying there was a party and free drinks, so me and this guy figured we'd check it out. It was basically a sex party; a bunch of black people grinding, and making out, me and my friend the only non-blacks there. I got right into it, grabbed a drink and started dancing, but I guess my friend felt weird, he left pretty soon. Granted, I did dance with him, then switch to making out with this other guy in front of him, but, I mean, it's not like he was desperate to be with me. I mean, right? Think I might be wrong though, I have a feeling he's got a crush on me. At least a teeny tiny one. Anywho, this one guy, an albino, comes and starts grinding with me, making out, fingering me, etc. I ask him if he'd be interested in a threesome with another guy. He says no, but I convince him by offering "the greatest blowjob you've ever had" if he agrees. Oh God, I was drunk.

Uhm, right, so me and him go to his room, I blow him, and he leaves to find a condom. When he comes back theres this other guy with him. I was kinda surprised, wasn't expecting this to actually happen. But yeah, they're both there, stripping down and putting on condoms. Albino boy was a bit of a dick to me, he was really into the whole "if I insult her, it'll be sexy" thing, got tired of that pretty soon; but the other guy, it was weird, I almost thought I had feelings for him.

I need to explain this now. Basically, the reason the sex was so weird, despite the fact that it was a threesome with two incredibly tall black men (well, one black man, and one black albino man) was because the three of us were talking through the entire thing. We got into these really deep discussions about people, and ourselves, and life, and just everything. The black guy really seemed to know what I was talking about, albino was way more focused on the sex, like, he just kept trying to shut me up during our discussion. Sometimes. Other times he'd really get into it too. But right, the black guy. Uhm, yeah, so we'd keep talking and I explained.. myself, to him. And he understood! He genuinely seemed to understand me. I told him about my suicide attempt, my parents, my shrink, my friends, just, everything. And he told me about his life too, his friends, his family, the divorce, his siblings, his home, everything.

We spent the night cuddled in each others arms, and were practically convinced that we were in love, except that I'd explained to him my views on love as well, so it wasn't really love. We were just really into each other, and it made sense.

I'm a little bit concerned though, I mean, we had sex a number of times last night, and despite my constant reminders that they wear condoms, I don't think they were each time. Granted, I also don't think they came in me, but still, it's disconcerting. I hope that's the right word. I'm really tired. I didn't get much sleep and I don't want to sleep now. I'm determined to get my sleep pattern in check.

Oh right, I should probably discuss this as well. I hate guys. They make it so impossible to get over them. Earlier yesterday, I had convinced myself that I would waste no more time trying to get him to notice me, or find interest in me. And it was working. I stopped obsessing over him for at least half a day. But then we decided to go play pool, and he had to change into his formal attire (the guys on my floor have a theme for almost everyday, yesterday was Tie Saturday). As soon as he was dressed and ready to go, he walked out his door, pressed up against me, put his hand on my neck, fingers in my hair, and said "hey sexy". Just to show off his formal wear. He was all like, in his mock black voice, "Damn, you know girls love that". I had to laugh it off and swat him away, but I still can't forget the feeling of his hand on my neck. That dirty son of a bitch.

I think this is the last thing I need to write, then I think I'll watch Benny and Joon (great movie). Right, so me and blondie decided to prank the crippled ginger. There was a shopping cart in the hallway yesterday and we thought it'd be funny to put it in his room, take everything off his bed and shove it in the cart. So we did. He retaliated. Brought the cart to her room, locked a chair to it, and put it on her bed. Stupid strong boys -_-. So now we need to get back at him, but I don't know if I can or not because he'd taken my laptop, but then told me where it was. Does that void his taking it? I dunno, I suppose, but not really. I guess I'll just be an accomplice to blondie.

It's About Time To Throw In The Towel

Last one for tonight, I swear.

As per usual, I'm in his room right now. With his roommate. He's doing laundry, so I'm just working on his bed. His roommate turns to me and says "You know what would be cute?".

"No, what?"

"Him and her (this girl on our floor)"

-Silence-

"What don't you think so?"

"Uhm, yeah, sure, I suppose." -Silence-

"I'm kinda sad you don't agree with me."

"Really? How have you not noticed that I have a huge crush on him?"

"Oh. I don't think he notices you."

"Yeah, I know."

I had to leave the room to cry a little bit into the ottawaian's arms, but only after begging the roommate not to say anything to him. I'm pretty sure he will though. Fuck my life.

I just feel so stupid at this point in time.

I Don't HATE Chemistry

That's a lie, I do hate it, that's why I'm not taking it.

Just thought I'd mention this, I don't like feet. I think they look weird and creepy.

Yeah.

I Want To Sing, To You, My Love

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Dreams Are Rude

coin operated boy
sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
but i turn him on and he comes to life
automatic joy
that is why i want a coin operated boy

made of plastic and elastic
he is rugged and long-lasting
who could ever ever ask for more
love without complications galore
many shapes and weights to choose from
i will never leave my bedroom
i will never cry at night again
wrap my arms around him and pretend....

coin operated boy
all the other real ones that i destroy
cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i'll
never let him go and i'll never be alone
not with my coin operated boy......

this bridge was written to make you feel smittener
with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
i didnt think so but im still convinceable
will you persist even after i bet you
a billion dollars that i'll never love you
will you persist even after i kiss you
goodbye for the last time
will you keep on trying to prove it?
i'm dying to lose it...
i want it
i want you
i want a coin operated boy.

and if i had a star to wish on
for my life i cant imagine
any flesh and blood could be his match
i can even take him in the bath

coin operated boy
he may not be real experienced with girls
but i know he feels like a boy should feel
isnt that the point that is why i want a
coin operated boy
with his pretty coin operated voice
saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me
straight and to the point
that is why i want
a coin operated boy.

In case you're unaware, this IS NOT mine, it's the lyrics to one of the greatest songs ever, by The Dresden Dolls.

Costume Makes The Clown?

Kinda funny, the costume thing. This guy I know regularly looks.. regular, but as soon as he's in his "gaming clothes", (which happen to be no more then a random junk t-shirt and jeans) he just looks the part of the nerd he is being. Or is, rather. He's a huge nerd.

Anywho. I went home this weekend. Saw the family, made 250 in belated birthday monies, and got to chill avec mes amies for a bit. Was cool. Felt bad cause when I got back home (here home.. at school) my friend called me and bitched at me a bit for not visiting him. Which I felt bad for, but in my defense, I barely got to see anyone seeing as I only had half of Sunday for visiting. (Parents/family took up Friday and Saturday) Uhm uhm uhm. Don't know what else needs to be said. It's kinda upsetting how frequent this state happens to occur. I just, I dunno. It's like my smoking, now that I'm free to smoke/blog as I please, I do it less. I guess the blogging thing is a bit different, it's just that now that I have this freedom and these people to talk to about my life/problems, I don't really need to vent about them. Don't get me wrong, I still love writing and emptying myself fully and wholly into this blog, but I feel like my posts have been lacking depth. I don't remember the last "true to my feelings" "honest to my heart" blog post I wrote. I wonder if I've ever really written one of those. Hrm.

Ooh, completely irrelevant, (and kinda contradictory) I forgot to mention my bus ride with "that guy". That guy, of course, being the one I've become exasperated with as time progresses. Again, not fair to him, but it's not like he knows I'm getting frustrated with him, so meh. I JUST WISH HE'D NOTICE. *sigh*

Thing is, he'll make these comments and make it sound like he's interested. But then... Nothing. Par examplle, I asked him what kind of girl he was attracted to and in response he started describing me: short girls, with short dark brownish black hair, Persian, etc.

COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE: I think that's the first time I've mentioned my ethnicity on this blog. WEIRD. To anyone reading this, please don't hold it against me. I, personally, am not particularly fond of Persians and do not enjoy being one. For the most part. I don't mind the language... or the dancing. Oh yeah, Persians like to dance. It's AWESOME. I absolutely adore going to legit Persian parties, with the loud, happy music and the energetic, flirty dancing. LOVE IT.

Right, what was I saying. Uhm, oh. Yeah, the comments.

Meh, you know what? I don't care.

That's such a lie.

I wish he'd notice me.

"Oh my gosh, you guys! He just, like, totally makes me all mushy inside! I just wish he'd like, notice me, you know? Like, I'm pretty, right? Like, I'm not, like, ugly, right? *sad face* He just, like, I don't know, he, like, totally needs to make up his mind. Or, like, get a clue."

-To be said in false, preteen girly accent in mockery of my utter patheticness.

By the way, I'd just like to mention that I did not degrade myself while with the blonde ottawaian's brother. I only had sex with him, and did not preform any other sexual acts with or for him.

My mum offered to let me see the shrink again. She ever so sweetly whispered it into my ear as I was innocently sitting on the couch reading "Comedy of Errors" for drama. Do I look like I need to return to the shrink? I AM NO LONGER INSANE.

Again, such a lie.

Plus, I kinda miss my shrink. Which, I might add, I constantly feel stupid for. Especially when I think of why it is I miss her: the reason being that she appeared to care about my issues; something any sane person would understand to be false. A shrink listening to your problems and commenting on them is not the equivalent to a friend that cares about you. The shrink is getting paid to care. There is no "friendship".

I miss her.

Don't know why I put air quotes on the term friendship.

I think I'm just tired. I wish I'd stop talking about myself. Or using the word "I". Or pronoun, rather.

Due to the fact that I've resorted to rambling, this blog post will end..

now.

In Do Do Dubitably

Guess what?

No, don't bother, I'm about to tell you, because this is just so epic that it must be told, not guessed.

I

Just

Wrote

A

THREE THOUSAND

Word

Essay

...

Holy

Fuck

I'm so incredibly proud of myself. I'd prize myself with sleep, but now I need to study for a test I have tomorrow. Just in case any highschoolers are reading this, DO NOT, EVER, COMPLAIN ABOUT TOO MUCH WORK IN HIGH SCHOOL.

I remember when I'd complain about a single assignment I had due that week: I feel stupid for that now. I'd willingly give... a piece of my hair.. in order to be back in that situation. Yeah, I don't think I'd give up a limb for it. BUT STILL. My point has been made.

ANYWHO. This is breaktime, so no thinking about negative shit like tests or essays. Or the fact that I might fail out of Latin.

SHUT UP.

Uhm, yeah, slowly drinking my Monster right now, waiting for it to take affect. This is probably going to be another all nighter. FML.

Right, positive thinking.

Uhm. Erm. Ugh.

My Camels (smokes) came in today, that was pretty exciting. I don't know why I never thought of ordering smokes online before. It's a shit load cheaper, and they don't ID. Brilliant.

What else?

Ooh!

Me, the Ottowaians and ginger cripple went out to the lake an hour ago, it was really pretty and we took incense with us and wine and Sourpuss and had a little celebratory party for the completion of my essay, which was fun. And, as per usual, I'm chilling in tall white boy and V's room, as they nerd out to video games in the dark. Fun stufff!!

Kay, I'm sorry, but I just don't get video games. What is the purpose behind pretending to be some random character while beating shit up, or trying to reach the goal or whatever it is the goal of that specific game happens to be. It's just pointless. Then again, I suppose alot of things are pointless, doesn't really change the fact that we enjoy wasting our time doing those things.

I need to stop arguing with myself, I'm wasting all my brain cells. Well, the few I haven't yet killed off with weed, cigs, and alcohol.

I hate blondie from Ottawa right now, rawr... she got the idea of me and D (one night stand guy) in my head and I just can't get it out. I don't know if it's just cause I was high or what, but he was just SO PERFECT. Yum.

No. Bad. Stop.

Shit, kay, this needs to end before I dwell on it for any longer. Time to start studying!!

Oh boy, this is going to be a long night.

We Are The Waterloo Warriors

The title, as is usually the case, is irrelevant. I was just noting the banner my friend's got up in his room.

I've been spending way too much time here. I can't help it, I just keep finding things I need to say; plus, I really don't want to write my essay. I have another 2000 words to write.

In regards to my essay, I'm finding I can almost relate to the character I'm analyzing. She's lonely and delusional. I often find myself in much the same boat. And she's an English teacher! Who'd have thunk it. Maybe this is like the story of my life. I'm going to be out of the latest trend forever, I'll spend my days teaching English, and reading to people at an old folks home, and then every Sunday I'll go people watching. Analyze and make up stories for the people I see. Then, one day, someone will do the same to me, and they'll be talking to their friend about the lame chick in the weird outfit who's always here by herself. And I'll feel like crap about myself and commit suicide while thinking that my clothes are crying for me.

Wow, that was way more depressing then I'd been planning on going with it. Uhm, on another note, I just went out for a smoke with salesman and he's absolutely fascinating. I'd love to just study him. Make that my life's goal: understand salesman's brain. He's great to talk to though, he'll listen to what you have to say and actually listen, and then give you actual feedback! He'll explain to you the idea he has about how men and women are actually different and how that relates to whatever it is you're talking about (that was just an example, we were talking about something that related to men and women/relationships/etc.)

Ugh, fucking engineers. I swear, how do these people have time to get drunk on a Tuesday night? Not fair -_-

I'm Having A Day From Hell

It wasn't going so well (before you came)

And you told me you needed space,

With a kiss on the side my face (not again)

And not to mention (the tears I shed)

But I should have kicked your (ass instead)

Don't know why that song is in my head, haven't heard it in a while, great song though. Speaking of songs, let me quickly get to the purpose of this post, because I don't have much time to waste tonight. Remember my rant about the roomie? It just got worse.

Having gone to bed at 5 AM last night, I was planning on sleeping nicely, waking up 10 minutes before class and then leaving. Want to know what happened instead? I was woken up, at 8 or 9 in the AM to the sound of a recording of her voice yelling at her to wake up. Fuck my life. Who does that?! Like, really? Would a normal alarm clock really be all that bad? I mean, I've got one too, it plays music. Most people can wake up to less vulgar things. A recording of her shrill voice, screeching incessantly to GET UPPP. WAKE UP M, IT'S TIME TO GO TO CLASS, WAKE UP M, GET UPPPPP. Just repeat that about 10 to 20 times and that's what woke me up this morning. And then, after I get up, I realize I've gotten a bit of a sore throat. Why? Because I didn't realize she'd left the window open. Again. Plus our room smelled like whatever Asian food it was she threw out a couple days ago.

*Sigh*. I swear, I'm not trying to be a bitch about this, it's just a lot to deal with. And it's just my luck too. Everyone else got a fairly normal roommate, why was I the odd one out? Whatever, I mean, so long as I can vent about it here, I'm sure I can deal with her for the rest of the year. Holy Fuck.

Kay, time to try this essay again.

Oh wait, one last thing. I may have to drop Latin. I talked to the professor today, and he said that I might be able to pass the course, but the final exam may screw me over (I'm paraphrasing), luckily the drop date has been mover to Nov 19th, meaning I can drop it without it having too negative an effect on my average. I hope. He said I should try and see if I can improve at all within the next week and depending on that we'll see if I drop or not. I'm quite certain I'll be dropping. I texted my mom about it and she was surprisingly good. She didn't yell at me or anything, just said that it was my decision, and that I should try and see what happens, worse comes to worst, I drop. I was genuinely and pleasantly surprised by her response. Had I still been living at home, I guarantee she would not have been so accommodating and we'd have ended up in one of our lovely arguments.

Alright, now that I've got all this off my chest, I can go back to writing my essay. I can do this! I believe in myself!

Wooot!

I Am Invincible

So apparently sleep is not gonna happen right now, because the guys whose room I'm in now saw the blog post I was writing and decided that they deserved an entire post dedicated to them. Here I go:

I am in the room of short asian man V, and crazy tall (handsome) white man (Jackass). I don't quite now what it is I'm supposed to say about them, they're pretty great. I love hanging out with them, despite the constant berating I get at their hands. There's a lot of comfortable chill times in here, we sit around doing homework, they occasionally join me out for a smoke, etc. They're sitting around talking about white boy's "torpedo dick" and how they're sure the second I see it, I'll fuck him. Yeah, these are the people I spend my time with.

As I did say, I'm fairly tired and thinking isn't working for me so much. (Pretty sure that's grammaticality incorrect). Wow, this is hard. (Lol, that's what she said).

INTERVIEW TIMEEE!

White Boy

Favorite Color: Transparent

Favorite Class: Math

Favorite Position: Reverse German Chestnut Oyster

Favorite Food: V

Favorite Roommate: Not V

Favorite Band: Radiohead

Sexual Orientation: Questionable

Bedtime: 4 in the AM

Short Asian Man (V):

Favorite Color:Red

Favorite Class: Biology

Favorite Position: Dirty Dutch Sanchez Superman Angry Pirate

(V likes it crazy, white boy beware)

Favorite Food: Pizzas

Favorite Roommate: Ottawaians

Favorite Band: Japanese Music

Sexual Orientation: Tree Cross Dresser/Necrophilic Cross Dresser

Bedtime: 10 PM (This is a Lie)

That's basically them in a nutshell ;)

Aren't they the most greatest of them all?

Procrastination Is The Equivalent of Blogging

I do not feel like writing my 3000 word English essay. Besides, it's not due till Wednesday. And I haven't written in here in a while. I missed you, dear friend. (Sorry, still kinda in the character of Miss Brill.. part of my essay). Honestly, I figured that if I just started writing, it would all just come to me. It's just not. I don't know what this character would think about, it's a fucking short story, we don't actually know anything about this character. WHAT THE FUCK.

Rawr.

Kay, anywho. While I'm here, might as well jot down my most recent (idiotic) exploits. To begin with, I slept with my friends brother. While he was visiting her for her birthday. Stupid. Actually, it wasn't so "pretty" as "slept with". It was more just.. fucked. Plus, afterwards, as I slowly sobered up, I met this guy D who I got to talking with. We decided to get high and watch Across The Universe, but ended up sleeping together instead. This time it was actually more.. romantic? And we, very cutely, walked to his room sneaking kisses and then undressing etc etc. And then the next night, I, once again, got fairly intoxicated, joined my friend in trying to convince this guy into a threesome with us. He was too drunk and actually turned us down, which was weird, but lead to my first actual lesbian experience.

Moving on, I had a little mini breakdown.. yesterday? I think, can't remember. I just started crying randomly because I'm getting tired of him not noticing me. Or not noticing that I've been hitting on him since... dunno when, actually. Been a little while now. Ugh. I suppose it's stupid for me to be mad at him for it, he hasn't actually done anything wrong, other than be oblivious. Whatever, maybe I'll just try to forget about it.

Key word there: try.

Uhm, what else?? Schools being a bitch, so much work to do, and I'm already freaking out about the exams we've got coming up. I'm kinda scared that I'm going to become part of the statistics of people who fail out of university in their first year. And I really don't want that to happen. I suddenly have this new life, and I don't know how I'd be able to give it up. It'd be next to impossible trying to get reused to living at home again. BLARG. Don't think like that. It's stupid, I can definitely get through university. I can live my own life.

But then I start thinking about it and wonder why. What exactly is the purpose of this? We spend a shit ton of money, time and effort into getting a university degree, and then spend a good chunk of our lives trying to pay off that debt.

Kay, really getting tired of this. I mean, he's even jokingly mentioned that I've got a crush on him, there's no way he doesn't know.

Granted, that could be/is probably just him mocking me, as many people tend to do, not sure why, think I'm just an easy target. Meh, doesn't bother me much, just annoyed that he can't see what's under his nose.

I know the girl I slept with (I don't have a nickname for her yet) is probably wrong, but I can't help thinking about what she'd said, that I'm the kind of girl to change for a guy. Maybe she's right? All I had said was that I need to stop dressing so sloppily, that I should put some effort in looking presentable. That's not really "changing" per say, right?

Lol, I'm so good at rambling about bullcrap here, but as soon as it's for my essay, nothing. Figures.

Looking at what I wrote so far, I'm kinda surprised, I didn't know I had this much to let out. Weird.

What elseeee? My ottowaian friends (shut up, I know how wrong that looks, I just don't care right now) are really great, I love having them around, they just help and I feel so comfortable talking to them. Everyone on our floor really, I know I said that I thought we might all just hate each other, but I've kinda started looking at us more as this weird huge family. Like all our homework parties are just family time, you know?

In regards to telling people everything, it appears I'm really good at it. I've been telling this guy everything, and I don't know why, it's so stupid, it's not like he's gonna suddenly be interested in me if he know's I'm a huge slut.

Is it bad that I refer to myself as a slut? I mean, I don't necessarily see it as a derogatory term, it's more of an observation. And in terms of observing, it's the closest fit. No?

Hmmmmm, rightt. Roommate. I swear, this girl is driving me up the wall. I know I was saying how I love her and all, and I do, I have to if I'm going to live with her, but she's just so... she never leaves the room, the windows always open (and it's fucking winter). WTF? She'll sit at her desk, all fucking day, wearing a fucking winter jacket, windows open, lights out, phone on. Non stop. Either the girl is on the phone talking to one of her friends about some stupid drama she thinks she's going through, something about a stalker she thinks she has, dunno exactly.

There was a shitload else I'd had written, but my internet sucks and refused to save what I'd had down. I'm pretty sure it was mainly the thing about the e-mail my ex sent me, about all the things he dislikes about me, or the way I behave, or something else along those lines, but having already typed that out once, I don't really have the strength in me to re-type it. Plus, I feel really bad cause I'm in my friend's room, cause I dislike mine, and I'm pretty sure he wants to sleep. Besides, I'm tired, so goodnight, and hopefully I'll get a chance to write more soontimes.

Eyes Closed Tightly, March On Blindly

I'm tired.

I had a great idea about a poem on materialism today, but that was a good.. 6 hours ago, so it's completely gone. On the plus side, there's a great women's studies assignment coming up, I've chosen the topic of push-up bras; basically I get to vent about how angry they make.

Look for the girl with broken smile,

ask her if she wants to stay for a while.

And she will be loved.

It's not always rainbows and butterflies,

it's compromise that moves us along.

Love that song, makes me tear up every time. I keep avoiding what it is I actually want to talk about. I don't know what that is, actually, I just feel the need to talk. Or write. Same thing, really. Either way, I need to let some of myself out. There's no real exciting social news for me to share, or anything else of importance. I talked to the ginger for the first time in a little while last night, I miss her. I miss home a little bit to be honest. I kinda miss having people taking care of me, or fussing over me. I don't know if I actually mean this or not, I just know that I feel like something is missing. That's not to say I want to go home, or lose this wonderful freedom, nononono, not at all. Just, I dunno, it's weird. Then there are occasions when I feel like all of us on the floor actually hate each other and are just pretending to get along.

I'm sure this is not true. I hope.

Kay, I'm just depressing myself at this rate, I think I'll stop.

Ooh, no, wait, forgot to mention. Met this great guy in my women's studies class. Met through a group assignment thing, and it just blossomed from there. He's quite pleasant to be around.

Kay, time to go get high. Nice talking with you though :)

Making My Way Through The Crowd

And I need you,

and I miss you.

Uhm, I'm 18! And pleased, and having a great time procrastinating. Plus, I just found the most beautiful man ever on Facebook, and came a little bit while face-stalking him. I'm totally kidding. But not really :)

ANYWHO. Sexy Halloween costume shopping tomorrow.. well, today. So excited (I'm so excitedd, I just can't hide it..) and Birthday shots.. tonight? Yes. Awsomesauce.

I really need to start doing my work. On the plus side, I actually read the play I need to read for Drama. Which is a start. Now I need to answer the question due for Tuesday. Arg.

Ugh, and I need to do my essays. And the Medieval assignment shit. Oh pooey.

I'm no longer pleased.

No, that's a lie. I'm in an overall good mood. Plus, I found some awesome webcomics I suggest you check out. ..I don't know how to add links in here. So listen to the elevator music playing in your head as I try to figure this out.

..

....

..

.

..

And Voila!

http://rosalarian.com/yume/?p=1

http://rosalarian.com/comics/

http://comics.600poundgorilla.com/?p=41

http://rosalarian.com/meatyyogurt/2010/10/01/starting-things-off-with-a-bang-4/

Hmm, that was actually pretty easy.

Yeah, basically, I'm a huge fan of Rosalarian.

Or Megan, whatever it is she goes by. She's brilliant.

Kay, I think I'm done. There was definitely more I wanted to write, but I can't remember what it was. So goodnight to you. Or good day, rather :)

Midterms, Movies and Musicals

Midterms are done, well, mine are at any rate, and I should be ecstatic, right? Nopeee. NOWW I need to work on my numerous assignments, essays and of course, Latin. Uggghhh.
Don't get me wrong, I do want to learn latin, and it'd be of much use to me should I choose to continue in this path towards becoming an English professor, but it takes up so much time, and theres a fucking language barrier between the class and the prof. Plus, I've spent so much time studying latin that I haven't even begun on the essays I have due in november.

Speaking of, I finally picked a topic for my women's studies essay. Well, I thought of topics. Haven't picked one yet. I'm planning on talking to the WS prof tonight after our lecture.

My british friend is nagging me cause I've not technically written anything about him other then in my list of (amazing) people met in Uni. So now I need to dedicate this to him, which I suppose is appropriate because the term "musical" is in the title. With this said, let me explain.
This brit began to be my friend on a night when we were both quite drunk and we decided to be, wait for it...
DRUNK BUDDIES!!!!
Oh ma gawd, yes. And so it began. We were drunk buddies and ran around singing at the top of our lungs. This has becme routine for us and we take it past drunkeness to just about any loud singing, anywhere. It's quite pleasant and highly entertaining. He's a mathie, by the way.

Quickly now, before I scamper off to be studious, let me say (for it appears I'd forgotten to mention), I've got a tattoo.
What?
Didn't read that right, did you.
It says:
I'VE GOT A TATTOO.

No, you read it right :)

Life Is Like A Handbook Of Literay Terms

This is a lie, unless you can find a way for it to be so, in which case it would be. Fair enough? I believe so.
You know what's unfortunate?
Midterms.
You know what else is unfortunate?
Procrastination.

I miss my friends. I miss my life. I miss being able to call the redhead at 3 in the morning and say, "I need to talk to you right now." Or better yet, just calling each other and having nonsensical conversations about how we would make a great comedy show should we ever be filmed.
Despite how great university life is, and how much I love the freedom and new great friends, I can't help but feel like something is missing. There is this empty little spot somewhere in me. I don't even know what it was full of before, but I can assure you, it was full.

On a brighter note, I don't believe I've introduced you to all my new friends yet.
Let's see. There are the two girls from Ottawa who I've fallen in love with, don't know what we'll refer to them as individually, but that'll come in time, as it will for everyone else I'm about to mention. There is the short Asian man we call V, the break dancing Asian man, the crippled redhead (he broke his collarbone, so we're referring to him as crippled atm), the ridiculously tall (handsome) white man, the salesman, the Brits, the Persian douche (who I am slowly learning to get used to), Dubai, the adorably naive white man (who Blondie from Ottawa is dating right now), my roomate (who I've mentioned before, I believe), Justin Bieber (sp?), Asthma, the brown girls who make me laugh, the Asian girl in my WS class (love her) and, uhm, I'm sure there's a ton more, but these are the one's from my floor and the only one's that come to mind at the current time of 4:14 in the morning.

Arggg, it's 4:14. That's not good.
Unfortunately, due to the fact that I need to write a midterm in 6 hours, I'm gonna wrap this up and attempt to work on it once more in the near future.
NIGHTT.
Well, not actually, but goodnight to this post and back to studying for ze midterm. (OH MA GAWWDD, SO MUCH FUNNNN!!)

Thoughts of Obscurity (Obscure Thoughts?)

"It's easy to talk about yourself, to express your innermost feelings on paper with words, what great poets write of goes further then the self. They focus on the bigger pictures and tackle such situations through beautiful words".

I scribbled this in my notebook during an English lecture that bothered me a little bit. It wasn't so much the lecture itself that bothered me as it was this fact. The fact that "Real poets focus on the bigger picture." Don't get me wrong, I never considered myself a "real poet" but I did think I could write (a little bit) and enjoyed this fact. Now that I look at it, it's beyond petty and I genuinley dislike this.
I suppose, I know, I have considered this before, and yet nothing had come from this realization. I highly doubt anything will come of this either, but it makes me feel better venting about what I dislike of myself.

URGGGGG.
Kay, done.
BACK TO STUDYING FOR MIDTERMS (OH MA GAWDD).
Lawl, studiosity for the win.

He's My Panda

I was in a particularly strange mood tonight. It was hard to explain to myself, and I figured where better to indulge in self exploration then here?
A couple of us decided not to sleep tonight, it is currently 7 o'clock in the morning and I'm still wide awake. The sun was just rising, and I was too lazy to get up and watch it, despite how beautiful I have no doubt that it is.
At any rate, on to my self exploration. I was thinking today about myself, the image I portray, the behavour I emit, etc. and I don't think I'm quite pleased with myself. It's quite unfortunate seeing as I need to be around myself so very often. The fact that I'm a huge slut and tend to do things so that other people will think of me in a certain way, I don't even know why I would want them to think of me like that anyways. (I apologize, I realize this isn't quite coherent, but in my defense, I am running on no sleep and have massive bags under my eyes).
Right, back on track. I realized that the only people on my floor that I'm even remotely attracted to are the two guys who are already in relationships. One of them more then the other, I think, I'm actually quite fond of him. More than a fondness though, it's strange. I can't quite explain what it is that makes me feel so attracted to him.
I met his girlfriend tonight, she's a sweetheart, I bet that had we gone to school together we'd have been best friends.
Kay, I've completely lost my train of thought, my friend just asked me to write a conclusion for her Shakespeare essay. I'll try this again at another point in time.

How Do You Know If You Need To Pee or Go Period?

So I hate that I've not been writing, like at all, so I'm trying to mend that a little bit right now. Theres so much shit going on right now, I don't even know where to start. Let's see.
First, let's write the stuff I already have, some random things I was writing during WS (women's studies) last week.
"There are a lot of angry women in this class. I'm really interested to see how this is going to affect me. I can't wait to get to writing about this stuff."
"Heavisyde- Is your shirt suddenly creative because you rearranged the letters?:S"
"Why am I a feminist?"
"Cavewoman says to her mate 'WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU PLANT IN ME? WHY AM I GETTING SO FAT. YOU DID THIS TO ME YOU FUCKING JACKASS, DON'T TOUCH ME.'"

Lawl, I like that last one. It was funnier in my head though. At any rate, that's it for the random notes. Now it's recounts.
Basically, I love university, it's so different from what I'm used to and I love meeting new people and socializing with EVERYBODY. It's great. The only downfall is the need to be responsible in terms of school work and the need to watch what and how much you spend. Unfortunately, I suck at both these things.
In fact, just this weekend, friday to monday, I spent a good 100 bucks on a trip to Queens university.
"Oh? Queens, you say? Why would you do a thing like that?" You may ask. The reason, quite simply is: Why not?
Nah, me and my bestie went together for her birthday (she goes to Guelph) and she knows a bunch of people there, and I know a couple too. We stayed at her friends place, he is an absolute sweetheart. He totally took complete care of us the entire time, watched us when we were drunk, made sure we were ok the entire time, made sure we weren't wanting for anything. In short, (which is ironic because he is quite tall), he was the perfect host. The friday night we got there, we immediately set to getting drunk, and then I met with my dear old FB and we spent the night together. No, not sex, but plenty of other beautiful stuff. The second day we decided to make jello shots and then give free hugs before getting completely wasted and partying all night. We made our signs, dealt with a really creepy guy (who touched/brushed my boob =O) and a bunch of lame people who just walked away, ignored us or laughed, but ended off happy with a good ratio of about 2 hugs per minute. Not too shabbeh. Uhm, right, that night we went in search of a party, found one, ended up moving all over the place on account of residential authorities (dons). We got wasted, tried ABSINTHE (yes, I know, holy fuck), got fucked, got high, and then (I) literally got fucked. Wanna guess where? You might remember this from multiple times before. Don't know?
The girls bathroom. More specifically, the girls bathroom floor. Yes, my back is still aching from it.
Plus, the next day, me and the bestie tried counting the number of hookups I rushed through during the weekend. I will now proceed to list them in chronological order:
1. FB
2. Bestie
3. The guy with the gum.
4. The girl with gum.
5. The Norwegian guy from the bathroom.

I'm gonna try to wrap this up now, cause it's taking pretty long. Basically, after that crazy weekend, we tried getting back to school for sunday night, but I missed my bus back to Waterloo from Guelph, and then missed the morning one as well on account of a faulty alarm clock. After much searching and many tears, (I really just wanted to get home at this point), I managed to find a GO bus that would take me to Waterloo with just one transfer. I got the early ride (11:45) and waited around for a good hour for the next bus to come. In that hour, I somehow managed to lose my transfer ticket. Figures, nothing wants to work for me at this point. The bus gets to the stop, I explain that I lost m ticket but that I have the receipt and the driver thinks about it for a bit and finally decides it seems legit.
I finally get home only to go to a massive poster sale and spend ANOTHER 50 bucks on posters. FML.
On the plus side, my room now looks great. I've got the entire wall and a good portion of the ceiling covered in beautiful images. I love it.

I wanted to go into a whole little thing about how much I love all the new people I've met here, and all the drama going on on our floor, but I think I'll save that for next time.

My Love, You Must Part

Guess what?

I'm in a fight with my mum. Shocking, right? I mean, it's next to impossible to imagine that me and my darling mother wold ever have anything to argue about, especially with the newfound distance between us. And yet, here we are. Currently arguing through text, after a lengthy phone fight. Pleasant, no?

I'd hoped that I'd manage at least a couple months before letting my new frineds watch me cry.

Apparently I'm Brilliant Whilst High

Who'dve thunk it, right?
I don't remeber wat brilliance I was experiencing while sitting in the car with my dad for the two hours it took to get back to Waterloo, I just know that I was absolutely fascinated by the thoughts running through my head. Andd, apparently, my parents are living with some deep dark secret. My dad said that when I'm older he'll tell me about the secret. He was really weird about it though, like, I can't even explain it.
Yeah, I'd gone home for the weekend, saw Cirque de Soliel, went paintballing and saw the truly entertaining film, Easy A. I had a blast and a half. Then, half an hour before I had to leave, I figured I had enough time to get high. I was terribly mistaken.
I wish I could remember what it was I was thinking at in the car.
I swear it was fascinating.
Anywho, I can think of nothing but what I wish I could remember.
Tata for now.

And I'll Just Be Like "OH MA GAWD"

So.
Despite my earlier rant about missing this blog, I appear to have lost the habit of regular writing. Unfortunate, no? At any rate, I am trying to get back into the cycle. I'll start by telling you all about Uni.
I'm having a blast. I've met a bunch of cool people, earned a new nickname, gotten drunk (repeatedly), gotten high (repeatedly) and had sex. Well, almost. Poor thing. It was his first time. He couldn't get it up right. *sigh* Plus, I hooked up.. kinda, on the dancefloor, so more grinding but with a lot of grabbing of my anatomy. ANND, it was really really awkward cause I saw him today at his residence. I'm hoping he didn't recognize me. Lol, I've forgotten both their names. Woww.

Uhmmm. Moving on.. right, my classes. I'm majoring in English atm, and am taking art history, classical studies, drama, and womens studies alongside. I went to the womens studies class for the first time this week and it was absolutely fascinating. There were alot of really angry, frustrated and determined women there. About 130. And then there were like.. 10? guys. If even. One made a stupid comment and had to face the wrath of about 130 girls. I laughed. I think I'm going to get particularly confused about a lot of things while in the class. And likely be faced with numerous intriguing thoughts. I'm so excited.

Too Long, Too Long

My dear friend, oh how I have missed you. You know not of the madness I have seen since last we spoke. I ask not but forgiveness for having left you so long. I assure you that it was by no fault of my own. My parents, you see, have a stick up their behinds.
Lol, in all seriousness, I've missed this. The reason I've been away so long is that my parents were being.. themselves and were stalking me (I may have mentioned this before, if so, bear with me once more).
You know what, nahhh, I was away too long to actually try to explain everything and catch up. I think I'm gonna just.. start afresh.
I just moved into res today, Waterloo Univserity, frosh week starts. I met some cool people tonight and we went searching for parties all night. Ended up finding this massive sausage fest, which was lame, so we ditched and found some weed.
Got seriously fucked.. don't think roomie dearest likes it much. But no, she's really cool. Not too social, but really sweet, and yeah. She seems cool.
I'm dead tired, so I'm gonna leave this intro short and sweet and try to find time to write more at a later date.
Tata for now

I Solemnly Swear I'm Up To No Good

We got a puppy yesterday. I want to name him Fish, but they won't let. I'm ok with Ozzy too.
But yeah, I was all excited cause he's really cute, and so energetic and playful. I woke up at 6 in the morning cause of him and didn't even mind. That's how cute he is. Granted, my cat hates him, but that's only to be expected.
So today, my parents came home with a cage. And a collar. Apparently, my parents are all keen on having a "good dog". So, we need to go through this training process which basically consists of sticking a 6 week old puppy in a cage, putting a collar on him, and ignoring his cries. I was just crying cause of it and my parents think I'm being melodramatic.
I hate this.

I suppose it makes sense that you would put a dog in a cage, but, I mean, he's just a baby! We've already taken him from his mother, couldn't we at least cuddle him and treat him like the baby he is for a little bit before training him? Yeah, I guess it was melodramatic to cry about it, but you should have seen him. He was in the cage, crying, trying to get out, and looking at you with those eyes. It was torture.

Currently, I'm conversing with my friend about love, and whether or not it exists, which is interesting. Apparently, he's been in love.
Not sure how I feel about the concept. It's got to exist though, right?

Worry Worthy?

Kay, I swear I'm not being clingy, I'm just genuinely concerned for his well-being.
I mean, he usually calls if he's not gonna visit, or he comes visit, or we talk online.
I haven't' heard from him all day, ANDD, we didn't even talk last night (I don't think).
Plus, he's not picking up the phone, and I don't know what to do.

I'm kinda scared :(

But no, I'm being stupid, right? I mean, he's totally fine. He probably just forgot to tell me he's busy, or something like that. Right??